Christmas photos :-) And Saddam :-(

Just thought that I would post some of my Christmas photos and have a bit of a rant...

Maybe I need to read a bit deeper into the whole scenario but the jist I get is that about 15 years + ago he was an extremely naughty man... Just a couple of things I would like to point out though if I may.. (course I can, whos goin to bloody stop me!?)

One of his crimes was a crime against humanity.. How fitting therefore to film his whole execution and take fucking photos! What a nice way to meet your maker. Probably about as in-humane as you can get in my opinion and it made me feel quite sick!

Some are comparing what Saddam did to what Blair and Bush have done invading Iraq and killing thousands of innocent men women and children... I know there are reasons for them doing it and the idea is to free iraqis but so many people have died in the process, could they not be seen as murderers?? And Iraqi people who were so loyal to Sadam Hussein when he reigned are now partying in the streets because they had no choice but to obey his rules? Is that now just the same case with the US and UK?.. After all, they havent got much of a choice in the matter but to follow our ways when there are troops everywhere carrying guns!

Im not right, I know im not right.. I know he probably got wot he deserved.. I just wanted to put another view forward. :-)

Anyway, going to go now.. Need a power nap!

xxx

Prospects and new years resolutions!

I have news! Makes a nice change to come here and do something other than have a bitch!

Are you ready for it?! …..
…………….
………..
…..

I have had a promotion!

From February (date to be confirmed) I will be an IT Operator with my company. This will involve me moving to 24 hour shifts (Ouch!) but will also involve around a 15% pay rise (yay!) when my training has been completed (d’oh!) and I wont have to work Saturday mornings anymore!

I have always been humbled that I managed to get promoted from customer services into a role within IT with no previous experience within the field. I am eternally grateful, even on bad days and I really do mean that. However, to be promoted within one year (official start date with IT was November 7th 2005) is just absolutely amazing and I cannot stop smiling! I can honestly say I didn’t expect a promotion for at least a couple of more years but I fully intend on making the most of the opportunity that I have been given!

I have met people the opposite to me, who waltz in on their first day and make assumptions that because they passed an interview to get a job, they are with the company for life or until they choose to opt out. They are so busy planning their next step in the mission to become managing director that they don’t think to put any effort into the job they are employed to do. They never seem to last long and its a shame...

I have made my first new years resolution and its quite a biggy one for me... when I get my rises (3 steps but final one we are looking around August time) Im going to look to start learning to drive… Stay with me for my full list of new years resolutions!!! :-D
xxx

Spoilt rotten ...

I know it has been a while since I posted so apologies. I do hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I got spoilt rotten and Ive got to say that I was extremely surprised that I got so much. I must have been a good boy! Among other things, here is my list in some kind of order as how it was received:-

Santa Hot Choc Mug - From Danni and Matt secret santa on xmas eve
Cupcake chocolates:- Friends
3 bottles of aftershave - from friends (love my aftershave I do!)
Bendy Keyboard- From friends
Harrods Teddy bear:- from friends.. Gorgeous he is!
£110.00 - Courtesy of daddy and mummy Julie (£90.00 now been spent on new toothbrush!)
Lots of puzzle bits, games and pyjamas:- Daddy and julie
Over the hedge- From daddy and mummy Julie
Ice Age 2 - Thank you to mummy dear
A couple of books:- Mum
Jumper and t shirt - from mummy
Framed photo of Jaya:- From Bev & Quin
Bag of really nice Lindt sweeties:- Jaya
New black leather bag- Mr and Mrs Swain
Simple recipe book:- Mr and Mrs Swain
Clinique skin care products- From Miss Swain and Uncle Dickie
Wicked Book - From Rich
A years subscription to FHM- How butch am I?! And yes, I asked for it off Richard!
A Full circle black shirt - Richard ..
Diesel T shirt:- Richard again....
French connection jumper - Richard did very well!
Puma trainers- Absolutely stunning trainers! Sneaking around in them so dont get them dirty!
Huggzie!- I can put huggzies belly in the microwave and then he will keep me warm all night! Richard appreciates that Im a tight arse with the electric
2 more bottles of aftershave:- Richard thinks I smell..
Mcfly and hits CD:- Richard again!
Ducky bath radio:- Richard likes to hear me sing in the bath.
Pants and socks:- Very trendy.. Again from Richard
l'oreal for men Moisturisor and eye stuff: with exfoliator- Richard thinks I look old
Popolocrois for PSP:- From Richard and shut me up for most of boxing day!
Police Necklace:- A bit of something I bought for someone but decided to keep for myself..

Ive probably forgotten quite a lot of bits and bobs and apologies if I have but I was really pleased with everything that I got and thank you to everyone!! I always seem to do well!

Right, Now I just need to bring in the new year with a bang! :-P xx

Christmas Eve...

Yes, its that time of year again. Its time to prepare your tummies for the biggest meal of the year and to get lots (and lots) of pressies!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone...

XxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxX

Typical!

Last night I along with the rest of the nation, watched the final of the X Factor... I voted 5 times for Leona to win so was right chuffed when she was announced the queen of X factor!.. I like her THAT much that I have, for the first time ever, downloaded a song legally through the proper means.,, Ask me if the fucking thing will play!? Go on.. ASK ME!! Will it fuck!! Thats my come uppance I reckon.. I have tried every type of media player upgrade there is going but some type of security upgrade wont let me run it.

Oh well, ill just have to go out and buy the effing CD!! LOL!! xx

My new jeans...

I didnt really realise how strange I was sometimes until i told my workmates about my new jeans. If I go and buy something and it is something that is meant to be nice for going out in then I insist on it not been a sale item, no matter what the cost. I just dont like the idea that its something that obviously either didnt sell well, or had been sat on shelves for months or is end of line product. Dont get me wrong, for knocking about in thats fine but when going out, its a no no! I spent around an hour and a half stomping around the town next to me looking for a pair of jeans that would fit the occasion of the Christmas do (the single most important doooo of the year..) I finally found some lovely jeans that cost £120.00. Not as much as I would normally spend on jeans but I dont really care about price if I like summat. So I get them to the check out and had the following conversation.

Shop man:- "Ill knock you 10% off these jeans mate."
me:- "Why? Are they in a sale that I havent seen?"
Shop man:- "no mate"
Me:- "why are u giving me 10% off then?
Shop man:- "because your nice and its christmas"
Me:- "well thank you, but are you telling me that if someone else walked in here and had exactly the same jeans, u would charge them the full £120.00 or would you be giving everyone 10% off these here jeans??"
Shop man:- "yes mate they would pay £120.00 unless they were a regular customer as yourself and I liked em"
Me:- "cos i dont want a sales item you see..
Shop man:- "no mate. They are not a sales item mate. its a discretion thing"
Me:- "ok..... fankoooooo"

The REALLY sad thing is, is that if he would have told me that the jeans I had been looking for all of my life were in a sale that was 10% off, I honestly think I would have put them back. Strange? Stupid? Yep! :-)
xx

Hangover from hell..

The christmas do did not disappoint! Best night out that Ive had with work! Was very drunken and dancing (oh the shame!) :-(

Heres a couple of photos. :-)

Christmas Party..

It is works yearly Christmas party tonight. I have been for my fake tan and so now look like Lionel Richie (without the lips) and I will be gettig my hair cut after work tonight. I am then left to shave, pluck and moisturise within an inch of my life to ensure that I look the best that I can for the big night! I am still considering whether or not to buy another top/jeans/ for tonight as the ones I have at the moment are slightly "washed out" due to curry stains... all a drama!! Luckily mummy of the year Beverley Anne managed to rid of the mark.. I can still remember the time when she used to brag that she could neck a pint without taking a breath. Instead, now she brags that she can get "beetroot,curry stains and red wine" out of ANY piece of clothing! Bless her... Comes with having a bambino dont you know! :-)

Anyway, better be off.. Wish me luck! xx

Summer in Winter?!

Ok, maybe the title is a bit of an overreaction, but the weather at the moment just does not feel like Christmas! Its mild to say the least and yesterday I didnt even need a coat when I went outside for my lunch at work. Surely that is not normal for this time of year!? I dont wanna have to put christmas forward a couple of months until we have a winter and it feels festive, but I think I may have to!

After Trickies attempt at trying to make me classy for Christmas (black christmas tree with coordinated baubles and white lights dont you know!) I decided that it was just plain boring...Yes, I had a tree.. yes I had shitty white star lights in my window, but where was MY Christmas?! Fair enough that people like the understated white lights and dont like to go OTT etc and whatnot, but it aint me. Sooooo... Ive shoved another string of coloured ones in my window which look lovely with the ones currently in there and have coloured flashing outdoor ones that are illuminating the street as we speak! (oh, and plenty of tinsle and the good old decs are starting to line the living room and hallway courtesy of kazduck!!!)

I am going to London for a course with work this Sunday. Decided to make the most of it as it is around Christmas time and am going to see the west end show "wicked." On the last visit, the Lion King show was so shite so I feel I need to try again. Wicked has great reviews and is meant to have spectacular effects. It also has Adam Garcia in it which didnt influence my decision one little bit..(although it would have done if I would have known he was in it when I first started reading up on it!) I wont complain if he happens to look into the audience and declare his undying love for me! Hes only human after all...

Think all of my Christmas shopping is done. I still havent received a couple of Richards but in worst case scenario, Ill go out and get them from a real shop when I am paid! I feel like a bloody wedding coordinator when it has come to Richards presents this year. Noone knows what to get him so I have been the one telling everyone what he likes, what he doesnt like.. What to get him, what not to get him. Last night my dad text me asking what he wanted... Bit late in the day to start asking when all the good ideas are gone aint it!!? I threw him a couple of suggestions and off he toddled. Just hope that I havent duplicated any gifts! :-)

I went to the gym last night and for the first time in months really worked my crackers off! I had rashes all up my arms from where Id been rowing.. I even saw veins!!! Its given me the bug again though so Im going to go again tonight and with any luck it will make me 3 stone lighter for my Christmas "do" this Friday night!

It is starting to become official that I am receeding. I am not too impressed to say the least as it feels like I am going through a mid life crisis about 15 years early. I am washing my hair and am pulling out clumps. I am joking about it to everyone but deep down am actually quite traumatised. There is nothing worse than someone who is going bald who tries to cover it up and whisp their hair this way and that way to cover up what everyone can see happening anyway. When I suggest getting my hair shaved to Richard, he just gives me the "err no.." answer... How long before I do though? Think it will just happen when I go to the hair dressers one day... Hmmm.... :-S

Im going to go off now to dream of a white Christmas.. Its certainly about as close as we are going to get this year by the looks of things!

Take care and keep reading! xxx

A worry or two..

Sooo the last of my christmas items that I said were "on their way?" No signs of them.. I have looked under my bed and in my wardrobe to check that Mr Posty had not been hiding pressies there again.... Have sent the companies who flogged me these goods emails chasing them... You know the type, "I know your busy this time of year... And can I say I REALLY love what you have done with your website... pretty please can I have my parcels that I have paid for in time for Christmas... no rush or anything...!!??" *CUNTS* Have had no reply.. Is this me paying for bragging about my Christmas shopping been 90% complete? Im sorry.. Ok? Now Santa better get on his fucking sleigh and get me the last of my presents or your gonna see a fairy kick some white bearded fat ass!

Went to help Neil with the decorations for his house last night. I succeeded in making it look as tacky as I wanted my house to be! Yayyyy!! :-)

My Laptop was pooly bad because someone sent it a big bad virus.. I managed to get it sorted now though! (when I say I, I kind of mean, I threw it at Neil crying and begged him to "fix ma baby!")

Will update soon.. xx

Christmas shopping...

While everyone else around this time of year, are running around like ants trying to sort out their Christmas shopping, I am very nearly finished.. I have got one parcel that needs to be delivered and just 2 people left to buy for who are proving a little harder than I had hoped... But all in all, I am rather impressed with how I have coped this year. I have paid attention from around August time to what people would like and I I started buying things at the beginning of November. While you lot are all fighting through the Christmas traffic and not been very Ho ho ho about it, I will be reclining in my chair with a cup of cocoa.. Relaxing..(that is, if I had a reclining chair or any cocoa to drink!)

Anything else I buy is a bonus now! Ha!!

That is all xx

Pregnant women and insults..

Customer services have moved into the same building as us at work. You would think that I would be nipping down every few minutes for a good old chin wag with some old friends. Think again. I am doing everything to avoid them and I don’t know why! when I walk through their office, I feel as awkward as a gent in the womens underwear department at Ann Summers (though some of the men I know…)

So, a few days back Im toddling through on the way to eat my dinner (diet was going well..) and a girl who I knew In customer services who is now heavily pregnant stops me to ask about an IT issue. Because I am me, I don’t tell her to fuck right off and log a call because I am on my lunch, I wander across and sort her problem. During this time, she asks me if I am content.. “funny question!” I think… “Yes” I reply. “Yeah” she replies “I can tell..”…. “PARDON!?” I think, but don’t say out loud because Im so polite… She must notice because she then goes on to say “well,,,just that you’ve put on quite a bit of weight and you used to go on sun beds and look after yourself when you worked in customer services…” (cue gasps from all of her workmates, none of whom I know..) “Oh Adrian doesn’t mind do you Adrian..” .. “YES I FUCKING DO!!” I think… but I don’t say because Im still been far too polite ..Instead, I say “Hehehe, noooo… NOOOOOO of course not!!” She goes on to dig a couple more holes in my grave and the only thing I can manage is “ I do have a t shirt on under my shirt that may make me look a bit bigger…” and “So, when is your baby due?” she replies “In 2 weeks..” I say “feels like you have been pregnant for years” in an *attempt* to tell her that she has looked like a fat shite for as long as I can remember. I want to tell her that her baby will be ugly… I want to tell her that if she didn’t have the equivalent to a large beach ball attached to the front of her person, she would likely have got a kicking by now.. But I dont.. Because Im nice.

I walk away with my tail between my legs and eat only half of my dinner because I am quite obviously the fattest person that has ever walked the earth. I spend 10 minutes of the lunch that I have left looking in a mirror and prodding myself in the face wondering where Ive gone wrong… I vow to never pay less than £20.00 for a hair cut again and to maintain a healthy eating plan until Im 8 stone.. I promise myself that I will go on the sun beds until im as shirivelled as joan Collins fanny as long as I have a tan…whatever it takes! Then, and only then do I think “How Fucking rude..” I go my sisters after work finishes and I polish off fish chips peas and gravy from the chippy… It makes me feel better. Before I start work the next day, I apply fake tan twice, pluck my eyebrows (manly) and wear one of my nicer more slim line shirts. I feel better, I look better. I see her and she calls me across. She apologises for saying what she said (not because she realises that she is a nice person and what she said to me was a bit below the belt, but because word has got back to her genuinely lovely mother who also works in my company and who has given her a "right telling off" for it...) She does more damage than good by trying to justify her comments and ends up again putting her huge swollen foot in it. (or at least I hope they are swollen with all that extra weight.. And her ankles… and her legs.. and her face!) Ha!

I hardly ever spoke to this girl when I was in customer services and I certainly haven’t since. The only things I know about her are as follows:-

She was brought up around this area and married a bloke with a lorra money...
Her husband is quite a lot older than her, bald and ugly... (my opinion but its as valid as her opinion is it not?)
She cannot spell and could not word a sentence to save her life (she used to log IT calls for us…)
She works part time- As a hobby because she doesn’t *need* to (oh goody)
She says what she thinks and has no tact (obviously)
Since I worked in customer services, her teeth look like they have gone mouldy (but did I say it?? Whoah no!)

We could all say what we think if we wanted. But a lesson to us all. Be nice!!! Next time I go through customer services, Im going to be the one "action manning" it across the floor.. If they cant see me then they cant insult me… Ha!

This blog is not meant as I depressing blog and I dont really have anything against this girl.. She is always pleasant to me and I wish her luck with her little bambino... Im sure she didnt mean any harm anyway.. some people just say what they think without thinking dont they (ARSE.. u see?) I just find the whole string of events quite amusing and I hope you do too.

When you next see me out in town, Ill be the orange anorexic sitting in Toni and Guy drinking sparkling water and eating an apple... Wahahhaha!

xx

Anyone like the new layout??

Tried to get a bit in the mood for christmas but when I put it all in red and green it just looked yacky so I settled on purple! Think its quite pretty and I also have my lil counter back again! Missed him I did.. Got a bit paranoid when I got a report through this week saying that I had had no visits! Rude!!!

Anyhoo.. Hope all is well. Will try to do a proper post tomorrow... :-)

Lots of Love
Santa x
xxx

Problems.. And phones...

Apologies for lack of postings.. Blogger has gone over to a new site and unfortunately it is not letting me log in 90% of the time at the moment.. Wat a pain!!

Had a lovely weekend... Went down to Jaseys and had one of Mrs Hunts famous sunday dinners... I swear they get bigger every time I gobut every time I win battle and eat every last bite (and still manage to be able to walk..!!) Very nice they are though!! Also went bingo at the weekend and won £50.00! Was well chuffed! Split it with my unlucky ornament sat with me (I say ornament because he got a line and didnt shout "eeere ya areee" or "hoooose" or "who ya daddy!!?" or anythin.. Just sat there.. like a lil.. ornament... LOL.. Genuinely a really good weekend though.. Very impressed! Oh ANDDD watched the prestige.. Now not only has it got 2 middle aged very dishy men in but it also is an EXTREMELY good film... Dont click on Jaseys blog if u are planning on going to see it cos no doubt he will tell u the ending.. LOL x

Had a new phone and flogged the nokia N80 on ebay. Really pleased with my new phone. Tis Sony Ericsson K800i. Bit less bulky but still a really good phone.. Think it may have to go in for repair as there is a dlight defect but if its not covered by warranty then its nothing too major anyway :-)

Had the busiest day EVER at work today! Extremely stressful as it was upgrade day and I didnt really want to work over so I worked extra hard and we managed to keep on top of things.

What a very Wah-ee blog! xx

Some more London Photos..

Here are some more photos of London - courtesy of Richard. I especially liked the green man who tried to strangle me! I also wanted to make a formal complaint about how when we got to Euston train station and the platform came up, people, LITERALLY started sprinting towards the train..I didnt understand, I heard noone fire a gun and there was certainly no numbers on anyones tops although admittedly there was probably every countries race in the world taking part. I felt I had to power walk just to see what the drill was.. And when we got to the train, i still didnt understand until these ignorant foreign girls that could not quite decide whether they wanted to speak to each other in english or mababawian, (ok i dont think mababawian is a language but it certainly pissed me off) would not move out of their seat for a man and woman that had pre booked. I think if it was me, I would have pulled the little cocky bitch out of her seat (by her hair nonetheless)and thrown her down the effing train... I get nasty about things like that at times. Dont like young cocky girls.. As it was, it wasnt my seat she was in.. My seat was empty.. So I rushed for nothing.. :-(

xxxx

Ratings and bingo..

Ive just had my weekly blog report through. Ratings are down by over 50%. Ive had a good think about what I can do to improve them and have come up with the following:-

• Must be more interesting/funny/witty/charming (could I be any more?!!)
• Must post more often instead of been unpredictable..

Simple really isnt it?

Going down to Leicester this weekend for a spot of bingo.. I really wanna flap ma bingo wings! "BINGOOOOO!!"

Back on the diet today... Why oh why can I not be one of those people that can eat their way through an indian buffet and then still have room for a maccy D's and not put on a pound!?! Why oh why oh whyy.... (oh why?) :(

xx

London...

Part of Richards (27th) birthday present was a trip to London. We went on a champagne "flight" on the London Eye, to see the Lion King in Lyceum thatre and on a London Duck Tour (tour bus that goes around London and then down the Thames..)

All in all a very enjoyable weekend and think Richard had a good birthday!

Diet been going well until this weekend but back on it today. I am hoping to lose some weight to make way for all the Christmas eating im going to be doing! :-)

Started Christmas shopping online today...Going to be soooo poor by the time im finished! :-(

Think thats everything...

My ratings are down folks.. Do keep coming back as I will update more! :-)

xxxx

First week on my diet and Ive lost 4 pound. I was on target to lose around 7 but when I went out drinking on Saturday night (A big GAY wedding nonetheless!) I think it put me off target a lil bit! However, 4 pound is a good start and im now on the diet until Thursday night which is loads of time to lose a little bit more weight! :-)

Saw Jason yesterday and we went 101 garden centres and an antiques fair (cos we is classy council scum dont u know...) ... What is it with garden centres.. Whenever you can not think of anywhere else to go its always a case of "ooh, A garden centre!" I think ive dragged him up to a different one every time he has come up here! He has a very nice new car.. A blue citreon C3 convertible thingy ma bobby. I turned the music riiiight up and had some right good dancey music on... And then Jasey changed it just as we were arriving on Tesco car park (packed with people) to "girls aloud-I think we're alone now." Ive never sunk so low in a seat in all of ma lil life! Dont want em thinking im one of those dirty gays do I!?

Ive decided that I dont want to go to work this week. I think im just going to sit here all day vegetating. If only :-(

xx

The most punchable child in Britain??

Im sure that EVERYONE will back me up when I say that he was!!!

Ma 2 babies..

Caught this photo of Jaya in the car yesterday and thought it was REALLY cute! :-)

My Big baby Tricky .. Love this photo even tho he look like he catchin flies.. xx

Slimming World...

oh yes guys and girls.. I intend on been slimmer or the year...month... week... oh ok, half-day!! I have been on my diet now for 4 whole days and Ive stuck to it for four whole days.. I feel really bloated constantly and I dont think Ive ever eaten so much.. Apparantly its a case of eating the right stuff though and im doing that... I was *gulp* 12 stone 2 on Monday after a heavy Indian take away the night before so I will report back as to what my weight stands at on Monday morning! Im hoping to have lost at least 3 stone otherwise I will be having a curry on Monday night!!!

xxxx

Trick or treat??

Featuring:-

Adrian as a killer clown
Richard as a ghoul
Bev as lady vamp
Quinton as Freddy Kruger
Keith as Alice Cooper ... and...
Jaya as a little devil

Blogging and ex's

It has come to light on news etc that blogging is the new geek trend. What about those of us that have been doing this for years?! Do we not get some recognition.. go in a hall of shame somewhere?! If someone would have told me a couple of years ago that it was only geeks that did blogs then I would have given up a long time ago! Now, unfortunately, im addicted to telling you lot what goes on in my life! Consider yourselves my emotional tampons!

I started my blog on February 2004.. Unfortunately if you try to access the original (and some would say the best one of my 3) you now get some chinese proverbs instead of my trials and tribulations...see for yourself... http://www.ultrax.blogspot.com/. Its a shame really because over that period I was with my ex (also named Adrian) and in a whole different life in contrast to today... and if I remember rightly.. I was feeling pretty damn fat. I remember the last random entry that I read in it saying that I weighed 13 stone 5 and was not best pleased and I was going to get myself on a diet etc etc etc... Really should start that diet.. ;-)

Its funny how I spent nearly 4 years with Adrian my ex, and yet he doesnt enter into my thoughts hardly ever.. And now if he does, it is no longer a pleasant thought about someone stabbing him in the eye with a pen. I wonder if he is ok and if he's happy. I have seen him out and about a few times and of course he puts on the "oh Im amazing, im wonderful" graces which he always did.. But I just get curious.. Is he really happy? I genuinely hope that he is.

Anyway, enough reminissing... Its Pay day today! You know what that means?!?!...... Bills Bills .. Kin Bills!! :-(
xxx
xx
x

Halloween and birthdays...

So it is the yearly piss up for Halloween this Saturday night at daddy and mummy Julies house. Unlike other years, we have got a fancy dress theme and so everyone is going to be dressed the the nastiest outfits that they can find… Among the people going that I know of we have got Alice Cooper, vampires and vampiresses, Freddy Kruger and I believe that even my baby neice Jaya will be going as a little devil (not that she has to dress up at times!)…

In true A-drain style, I have purchased a scary clown outfit for the occasion and for a last minute buy, it aint half bad!! Need a bit of eye make up for my peepers but that’s about it. When you consider renting a horrible cheap worn in suit that doesn’t even fasten up properly (thinking back to the Womble outfit and all those safety pins!) costs £30.00, it came to a total of £45.00 and is an outfit that I can keep for life.. Hey, maybe Ill even go raving in it!

Richards birthday is coming up and I have not got a clue what to buy him.. Among the ideas I have had are:-

Nasal strip silencer to quieten his roaring through the night (I mean snoring for anyone who didn’t read the last entry!)
Stripy Jumper (because he hasn’t bought one for at least a week)
Bottle of vodka (because… *Apparantly* half the time he needs to be pissed to be with me?!) Shocking…
Will and Grace DVD (Series 4 episodes 4-8) because random DVD’s are always a good gift…

And finally the Piece de Resistance :-

An adopt a vine certificate (only £29.99 and u get ur own vine to visit whenever you like!!) Best gift ever surely?!!?

Hmm… Back to the drawing board then??

xx

Zzzzzzzz..... *snore snore snore snore*

So Im lying in bed, dreaming a fantastic dream where Ive won the lottery and am driving around in a fantastic sports car with David Beckham at my side (Actually where I see myself in 10 years!)... When all of a sudden, the exhaust on the car blows... and when I say blows, I mean it REALLY starts making a damned racket.... and it gets so loud that it shakes me from my dream... and im faced with the stark and, quite frankly. downright RUDE reality... Is it David Beckham whispering in my ear and nibbling on my ear? Whoah no... Its the betrothed, mouth wide open, snoring his conkers off and dribbling over my pillow! He asks if I ever think "Awww .. How sweet!" when been awoken from slumber by his roaring..... the answer is no.. Not at all... If I didnt think I would get jailed for murder then I would suffocate the bastard.. Unfortunately, there is no justice in the world nowadays! Maybe if I taped him before hand they would reduce the sentence to manslaughter...Somethin to think about...

xx

Home sweet home..

Well, we are back.. It seems only yesterday that we departed to Nice and now we are back to normal! It is really not on!

We had a really really nice time.. Lots and lots of fun had by all and apart from a sminoff ice of pint of beer costing about 6 pound each, it was rather good. Luckily for us, we took lots of cash so were still able to get paraletic a few nights at them prices (Oh, and we bought lots of booze from the supermarket! )

I now am aeroplane free until June next year! Cant even begin to tell everyone how overjoyed I am about it!

Anyway, better go, the sis in law and other half are coming around for a take away in a momento!!

Take care!
xxx

Qdriqn Qnd Richqrd in Sunny Nice1:: One ,in:::

Fuckin Goddamn french keyboard.... I thought that the thai keyboards were hard to understand but these bad bois take the piss. I feel ad if someone has chopped one of my arms off!!!! Theyre totally out of order.. Cant even type my name without thinkin about it!!

Having a lovely time in Nice.. Food is nice as long as you like Italian and the weather has been better than we had expected...

Flight here was the best I have which is sure to mean that it will be a bastard on the way home!!!

Seems to be lots n lots of totty here... Many bois have been rated a 9 by both me and the wife... Dont think im in any severe danger of him running off with one of them just yet though! He will have to make his millions first!!

So, until we get back, and before I throw this fucking keyboard acrtoss the room, we bid thee farewell!!!

see you qll soon qnd re,e,ber to stqy sqfe qnd dont be q strqnger1 GRRRR11
xxxxxxxxxxx

D Day... :-(

I am going to Nice France in approx 5 hours time.. Now.. Will I have the balls to get onto the aeroplane? Damn right I will but only because I will have Richard pointing a gun in my back. (DONT lower the tone!) It better be bloody worth it! As most people know, I can whine my ass off like a bitch at times!

Dunno why I put myself through this.. I woke up at 4.30am because I was convinced it was thundering and lightning.... Keep checking out the window.. One sniff of it and Im going by boat.. Good question. WHY OH WHY CANT WE GO BY BOAT!!!?? I mean, its only France for fuck sake! At least if my boat sinks.. I have a fighting chance of swimming to shore!!

I SUPPOSE I better go and get ready now.... Have been prescribed some more tablets to try when on plane but only enough dosage for on the way there... Good old Doc Aunty Susan! She has the best drugs in the land!

Right I better rise (still not lowering the tone) and shine (whoah no).. Am going to set myself a lil task for these flights.. Im going to make it the beginning of my holiday when I step on the plane. Im going to give a girly giggle when the plane gets hit by lightning and throw my head back and roar with laughter as we plunge to our deaths...

See ya.. Wouldnt wanna be ya...

OOh, saw Jake yesterday,, He a very cool baby.., Ever so cute and got a right little personality on him! All family doing very very well.... father is severely overdue for a haircut, but due to unforseen circumstances, we will let it slide.. :-)
xxxx
xxx
xx
x

Start life as you mean to go on...

Peepo...

New phone...

After sending my "not as fabulous as I thought but still wonderful" nokia N80 back to Nokia, they have finally sent me a brand spanking new one (except for battery.. Can tell because of where I damaged it trying to squeeze it out of the back of the phone..) Rather chuffed as my other one was lookin a lil worse for wear for its age.. I promise to look after this one.. (if it works...)

Had a big falling out with one of Richards friends today... Think this ones gonna be a lasting feud but quite frankly Im past caring. It appears that since I have been in Richards life, shes looked for any excuse to fall out with me (unless of course she needed me around to decorate!) This time she really can go forth and fuck as far as Im concerned. No more trying to make her like me.. Shes a hopeless cause. Sad thing was that I actually did like her. One thing I will say though is that when I have something to say, I say it to someones face and Im so sick of her running to richard every time I try to confront her about something... If she can say things about me and be shitty with me then she could at least have decency to back her views up when I retaliate eh?...

In other news, think poor don don is in hospital till Friday.. Couple of complications but mother and baby all doing well.... Looking forward to seein the lil guy! :-)
xx

And the bubble bursts!!... So to speak...

Just a quickie (story of my life...)

Congratulations to donut and mr donut on birth of baby Jake this morning at 6.45am. After 3 days of labour, id say a job well done!!

Fancy Dress?! Another effin Aeroplane... ' COFF!!!

Ive heard a rumour.. It sprung from the customer services section and has hit almost every department.. This year for our Christmas party, there is talk of having fancy dress?! I have enough difficulty around that time of year choosing an outfit as it is without throwing a fancy dress party into the equation! A little bird tells me there is also a theme for this fancy dress... Barons and Baronesses?!?! Personally I reckon it is just an excuse to get people to dress better (We a bit common at ma company... women wore hotpants last year instead of evening gowns..) Well, I will tell you this for nothing, I aint purchasing an expensive cloak and walking staff for love nor money! I will wear a black bin liner around ma neck, and carry a twig in my hand and they will be bloody grateful! And top hat?! Ill wear a fake burberry baseball cap! Ha! Not even sure Ill even be going this year. My Broad Bean has left for Birmingham (Richard? is that a cheer I hear?!) so I wont have anyone to sip cocktails (neck pints) with... :-(

The time is almost nigh (again....) for me to go on an aeroplane (again.) Have you noticed I dont mention that once I get there I will be in Nice France and will probably have a really good week long break. You know why I dont? Cos I aint thought about the actual holiday once. Im just worrying about the flight. People have said all kinds of things to me to try and make me feel better but the fact of it is, is that Im getting very steadily worse. Even though I have not yet died in a plane crash, I am convinced that this is how I am going to meet my maker. For every good flight, my Fear of flying does not get better, but does not get worse. However, for every bad flight (so far have had 3).. im getting steadily worse which means that eventually im going to come to a halt and not be able to get on one of the things. I fear that time may not be as far off as I thought... And if there is even a sniff of a storm, u will have to sedate me to get on the bloody thing!

xx

Modern day inventions...

What would we do without our modern day gadgets? What are inventions of the Y2K that we now take for granted:-

My mobile phone:- I had my first mobile phone about 9 years ago. It was on a vodafone pay as you go tariff and you had to pay for "service days" as well as the calls. (equivalent of line rental) You got no freebies whatsoever with the tariff. Before that, I used the house phone or local phone box to ring everyone I needed to get in touch with. God help you if you rang a mobile though! Now I don't think twice about reaching into my pocket, wherever I am, and pulling out my 3.2 megapixel all singing all dancing camera phone, and texting (with my unlimited free texts) or calling a relative or friend (with my free minutes) to catch up with them. Its also handy if Im wanting to take a photo or video, cruise the internet or play a game.. My mobile phone is definitely my number one possession.

The Internet:- I have had access to the internet for around 10 years now. Im on there almost every day. Im on there now! I have done everything from chatting and blogging, to shopping and banking on the net. I think if someone said to me that I could never have access to it again, It would resemble the feeling of one losing a limb. It helps friends and families stay in touch for a very low cost even if they live half way around the world.

IPOD:- Its hard to think back to when I used to attempt to go to the gym or walk to work sporting anything other than my trusty IPOD Nano. With tape players you had to make sure you had songs you loved otherwise it would take an eternity to skip from one to the next. When I had a CD player, I had to exercise with a "light air" about me so not as to make the CD Player jump (which it did often!.) Now, with one click of a button, I have the world of music (or world of cheese) at my beck and call and could do somersaults on a bouncy castle (not a nice vision I know) and have no change in the quality of sound!

However, for all the good that the above has done, there are bad points too. Not that it will stop me or anyone else purchasing them but lets have a thought for below:-

Mobile Phones:- I found out that my dad was having an affair because I had access to his mobile phone and text messages. Mobiles have made it a lot easier for people to have out of hours relationships. Before mobile phones were invented, affairs were far from extinct, but how easy is it to ring someone when your partner is standing in the same room and tell them to "meet u by the grassy tree in 10 minutes..." See where Im coming from? Now, You leave the house, you ring your whore who also has a mobile, and you meet. If your not brave enough to ring, you can turn your phone on silent and send/receive text messages to/from whoever you want whenever you want to, simply slipping into the toilet whenever you need to read/reply. How often would you get questioned about going to the toilet!?

Internet:- Not a hard one this. The internet, as well as mobile phones for some, is killing the ability to verbally socialise in a group with people. Why phone someone or meet them when you can send an email or a text message. It comes to something when the only time you can make people laugh is when your typing. Among other things? Phoedophiles (I really dont know how to spell that..) preying on young kids "my space" accounts, married men (it could be your father) cruising chat rooms for sex. Videos of The Taliban chopping peoples heads off, displayed on your computer when all you are searching for is a Britney Speares song, and online fraud/hacking and viruses that knacker your computer. You have to be so careful on there. Is this an issue? Yes! Have I been bit in the ass by the internet more than once? Yes! Will I get shot of the internet until it stops? Well...No...

IPOD:- I met a friend a few months back that insisted on having their IPOD on in one ear whilst we were having a drink. Apart from pure ignorance when someone is trying to shout you across or have a conversation with you, I cant think of a lot of disadvantages of an IPOD. Except of course, if you don't look both ways, and then don't hear the car steaming towards you...

Im sure that there have been a lot more inventions that have affected us much more but than the 3 I have mentioned but they are just some of the ones I can think of that have had a big impact on my life so far...

I cannot sit here and criticise any of them because I use the net and my mobile more than most and think I would die of boredom without my IPOD accompanying me to work. I just wonder sometimes, If we had never had them, would we have ever missed them? And would it have really been such a bad thing....?

Sleeping...

I think I underestimate how much I like sleeping. When I am not at work, I am usually the first person to wake up and start prancing around the house clattering saucepans and singing at the top of my lungs, waking up anyone within a two mile radius of me and yet at the moment I feel like I could prop myself on a spike and sleep.... Why is it possible for some people to sleep in until 3pm and for other poor bastards like me to be up with the cock-a-doodle-doo?! No cocky comments.. ;-) .. This weekend Im going to try for a lie in.. 10am at the very earliest!!

I have been informed by reliable sources that Miss Donuts due date for mini donut is tomorrow. Next time I see her, she will probably have a bouncing baby boy or girl (Im sticking with boy).. Good luck Donut..May the force be with you...

xx

Photos

Among other photos, the lane that we were staying up... Nearest neighbours were around 15 min walk away! !


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Mission Accomplished...

As you know, I set myself some missions for Scotland... And I completed all of them!!! You dont believe me? Let me explain...

* I ate haggis! It was a battered one from a chip shop in Glasgow (pits) but it still counts and it was very nice indeed!

* I saw a man with a kilt on... AND I saw what was underneath... Let me explain... When we were driving through Glasgow (pits), there was a man with a big black bomber jacket on... and nothing else... Strange people... Strange place! So that was my view of what a Scot holds under his kilt (heave).. and as for the man in a kilt? I saw an advert for Beef on TV with a man in a kilt chopping wood...

* I may not have caught the "Loch ness monster" but lets say I had a beast of my own to tame.... Muahahahha!

* As for the spice girls song on the bagpipes.. I whistled "wannabe" at the top of my lungs and was told by the lovely MJ to "shut up, ya big bag 'o wind! Surely that counts?!?!?

I have some photos.. they could be a lot better. There are alot more taken by Mr Peel and I was assured that they would be sitting in my mailbox, ready for me to upload... Bloody bastard... things people will say to get rid of me eh? For now, you will have to make do with the ones I took with my phone!

I spent many a cuddle with a kitty named Jasper. You can see him in a photo on here.. (hes a ginger but shhh..) He is one of the nicest pussy cats ever. You pick him up, put him on his back and tickle his belly and he just lies there instead of running off like most kitties would... (He reminds me somewhat of myself)

I will update with some more photos when I get them.. xx

Och' iy ga noooo!

I go to Scotland tonight for a couple of nights. I have a few missions for my weekend away:-

* Try Haggis. I know the concept of it is wrong but it is something that I need to do before I die. (and seeing as I am still ill and dying, now is as good a time as any!)

* Spot a man in a kilt and ask him whats under it.. (If he lets me see then 100 bonus points)

* Catch the Lochness monster (Note to self:-Remember to take net.)

* Play a rendition of a spice girls song on some bagpipes. (song TBA)

I am quite looking forward to going now altho not looking forward to the journey up there in my dying state! I shall try and take some photos for you all and will add them when I get back.. Until then...

xx

The dreaded lurgy...and over 500 views!

I am ill.. When I say ill.. I dont mean just "ill"... I am, what is commonly known as.. dying... This is no male flu.. This is my body packing in.. Goodbye cruel world.. goodbyeee goodbye goodbye....

I have noticed my blog has hit over 500 (527) visits since I started the counter! It seems to be averaging out at around 15 visits from individual IP addresses per day!.. Im obviously not as boring as I think! For the first time, Ive had a bit of a closer look at the counter stats and in the last 100 views, I have had everyone from London to singapore and the USA viewing it. Thank you to all and I hope that you continue reading. I do, however, find it amazing that you all read it but dont leave any bloody comments... Feel free.. Unless ur selling something, in which case you can piss off! :-)

xxx

U-G-L-Y

Anyone out there feeling ugly today? How about yesterday? Day before? I see a few of you nodding... Me? Some days I feel like I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every bastard branch on the way down before been pounded by an ugly man with an ugly stick.. What I dont think some people appreciate is that one comment can make us feel like we are walking on sunshine or at the other end of the spectrum, like a piece of shit on a shitty stick.

I contemplated the above on Friday night when my mum had got ready to go on a night out with her sister. I thought that she looked absolutely fantastic, and yet all that I could muster when she asked how she looked was "yeah, you look alright.. " I considered this when she had left and then sent her a text telling her that actually she looked the nicest I have seen her look possibly ever.. And it was the truth.. She looked beautiful. I got a text back saying that I had made her night. And that was all it took...

Take time out to tell people that you think they look nice, especially if they have made extra effort to do so. Believe me when I say it makes the world of difference. If you think people dont need compliments, you would be wrong. Everyone likes to hear that you like something about them, even if its been said a thousand times before.

Im going to make it my mission to be one of the people that do pay people compliments. Wanna join the club?

My favourite thing about myself?.. At the moment, not alot.
xxx

Take time to read..

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)


Dear Cretins,


I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care; it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

Dress code..

Hiya!
Its been such a long week! Thank God only 2 days of work left to go (then Im working Sat but we wont talk about that!) Work is getting busier and busier and we have just had a major office move so are now squashed in an office the size of my bedroom... Cosy? Nope! Absolutely sweating my bag off and stressed!? Oh Yes...

This brings me to the point of my blog this morning. It is a question that has been asked my generations and generations of men, but I reckon its about time that something got sorted... Why is it that women are allowed to come in work in a vest top and short skirts with open toed shoes on, but men are stuck with the same "shirt and tie wih trousers and *gentlemans shoes*" laws that we have come to know and love? Not that I want to wear a skirt I should add (a surprise to some!?) .. but something like a short sleeved shirt with a button open and no tie would not kill them!? Surely a shirt and tie is the equivalent of a blouse and neck-a-chief type thingy-ma-bobby for women.. They really ought to re think the whole process! I would try and escalate this view within my company but Im sure that it would lead to nothing more than my been issued with my P45 within a day or two or whining!

Went to an all you can eat indian buffet last night. Feeling particulary rough this morning.. Was not the classiest food I have ever eaten and Im sure Ill come down with the dreaded lurgy fairly shortly..

By the way, take a look at QUIDCO you can get cash back for shopping online and it is a much better deal than greasy palm... well worth a go Id say!

Until next time xx

Chinky! :-)

Went for a chinese last night and, for a change, didnt get pissed... So, for a change, here is a photo of me and ma Broad Bean sober! She is moving to Birmingham very soon now (I can hear my betrothed cheering from here!) but I will go and visit lots (and now, my betrothed will be snarling..) Anyhoo, we all really had a laugh and food was good for a canteen style chinese all you can eat! They even had a big chocolate fountain (Think these have gone from tasteful to tacky in the last year or so...) Anyway, since it was sitting there looking all chocolately and fountain-ee, I did threaten to go proper Vicar of Dibley style and lean my head under it but wimped out at the last minute and was more than happy with going on a rampage with the squirty cream instead... Highlight of the night was when one of the girls we were with asked a chinese waiter what her chinese symbol tattoos meant and he replied in the most stokie accent that I have ever heard that "I dunno, I aint chinese.." Let that be a lesson to us all to not judge a book by its cover!

Im a little peed off with my laptop. I seem to have obtained a big juicy virus from somewhere which is doing my box in a lil bit! Ill sort it later though as dont wanna have to use my MAC... Which can I say is still sitting there looking REALLY pretty! :-)

Birthdays Galore!

I have had both my sisters and my neices birthday this week. Bought Bevelery a miniature teddy bear and paid some towards a course on the sun beds and bought Jaya £30.00 worth of Next Vouchers and a cute little Me 2 U bear saying "Special little girl" on it. Also baked a cake and it actually looked and tasted fandabby dosey. I will attach photos!

I am eating ridiculously this week and need to start cutting down. Why cant I develop a cute lil eating disorder like all the celebrities!? I dare not even weigh myself for fear of scales saying "please get off me you fat bastard." To add to my dilemma, I am also going for a chinese with people from my companies customer services department tonight. Diet obviously not starting today then... and tomorrow its friday so not allowed to diet over weekend as would be against my religion! Crap aint I? Mummy dear on the other hand is continuing to lose weight for her holiday next year. Very proud of her! :-)

Thee mother and Mrs Swain will be meeting on Saturday when me and betrothed go "shphering" (get pushed down a massive hill in a big hamster ball) Hope they get on!

Leah, Anglesey, and weddings...

A brief description of my weekend...

• My bathroom is now green-ish and needs finishing when I have more spare time!
• Did lunch with Richards friends on Saturday day. Very nice folkies they were too!
• Went out with mates on Saturday night. Went in mood with betrothed. Went home. Decided didnt want to be back home. Wanted to see leah from big brother in the club and see if boobs were as big as claimed. Went back out with friend who had also argued with her betrothed. My betrothed also came back out. A couple of arguments later, we agreed to disagree and he told me I was not going to any wedding the next day.
• Reminded myself to remember that Leahs boobies did not look as big in real life as they did on big brother. Would suggest breast enlargement if she wishes to uphold image of busty blonde.
• Got extremely leathered and slept at a mates mates house. Went to bed around 6am-ish I am informed having resorted to throwing any alcohol i was given over myself in extreme desperation to stop drinking.
• Woke up at 9.40am (Due to leave to wedding I was no longer allowed to go to at 9.00am) and realised that phone had ran out of battery. Wondered if still was not invited to wedding. Threw self out of bed. Realised was near YMCA in hanley... Rushed home.
• On way home pondered on how much of an idiot had been. Reminded self not to mix alcohol and irrational decisions.
• Turned phone on when home. Had 28 missed calls, 2 nice text messages from betrothed, 12 horrible messages when betrothed realised I was not answering phone.
• Reminded myself that I will never drink again.
• Realised that everyone thought that I had turned my phone off to ignore calls to go to wedding. Knew this was not the case myself so pondered over options.
• Caught a taxi to Anglesey at cost of £110.00...
• Finally arrived at hotel in Anglesey and was greeted with "love taps" from betrothed. Did not amuse this time as was hungover. Blows slightly better as was hit with pillow.
• All in all had a very nice wedding despite hungoveredness... Bride looked beautiful and speeches all very enjoyable. Nice meal too.
• On way home called in at Rhyl. Felt very posh in front of chavvy families until rode on Nessy (ride for 5 year olds..) Lost street cred but held head high.
• Went to betrothed sisters bfs house for meal. Very nice and healthy too.. Made nice difference from take away food!

All in all a very eventful weekend. Wont be doing it again in a hurry anyway!

x

Bush Monkey?!

Its bizarre how when my hair is not short and neat, I let every other part of myself go to the pits. My clothing, my hygiene, my shaving and any plucking or grooming all lose a fighting chance. Im not quite stig of the dump yet but I reckon give it another two weeks and Id be rummaging through bins with the best of em! You can imagine how I felt yesterday when I saw my ex's sister who was looking quite glamerous (bitch) while I on the other hand looked like I had just been rejected from a homeless shelter for been too scruffy! I made very polite chit chat, trying to make up for the lack of my presentation with my hilarious sense of humour and caring personality (This involved me bawling across the road in between cars if her brother had had a lump removed from one of his bollocks... hmmm...Cant think why they never liked me..) Anyway, I thought Id cracked it, I thought that finally she had seen that there is more to a person than the way they look....until 10 minutes later the exs mother who had obviously received a phone call from her daughter telling her that Id taken to crawling the streets preying on defenseless old women, drove past me twice and gave me one of those smug "you look like shit and my son has done better than you" looks! How rude! Reminded me of what they were like though.. Thank Christ for Mr/Mrs/Miss Swanjay... :-)

Oh yeah, Back to me and my hair, Im not walking around like Rapunzel or anything, but my hair is one of those bizarre wonders of the world and instead of growing into silky flowing locks which I can flick about, tends to grow out into something that resembles something between a brillo pad and a bush monkey. I have not had my hair cut for nearly four weeks which is the longest I have waited in the last year. This is mainly due to be been a tight arse and wanting to spend the extra ten pound on sweeties and takeaways! (could just eat an indian...)
Anyway, getting it chopped tomorrow so maybe I will have cleaned, plucked and groomed myself sufficiently for Matt and Dannis wedding on Saturday! Only time will tell..

I was asked to do some overtime for work today and Im not usually one for overtime unless it is of decent enough proportions to make some kind of difference in my wages. Grudgingly, I came in and the day has actually gone quicker than it usually would on a normal late shift as I was helping to despatch an upgrade to our depots for the first few hours of my day. Sad to say but I actually even enjoyed it a little bit! I have found my calling in life.. A picker and a packer! :-)

Im probably worse than most when it comes to moaning about my job. Some days I have days when I am angry at the people that I work with, Some days I get angry at customers and the depots and their lack of common sense and some days, well, I am just angry with myself and my lack of knowledge of all things I.T-ey (technical word, that one!) ... However, there are getting more and more times when I pleasantly surprise myself and lately I am starting to see more and more that the calls that I am struggling with are worthy of been stuck on. I know this because people who I am asking advise from are also unsure of the steps to take. I think its just a case of taking the rough with the smooth and realise that as with any job, it is three steps forward and two back...

Are you able to tell that it is pay day tomorrow?!! Every time I open my payslip in IT, I feel a sense of accomplishment....I set myself to targets, Targets that to some people seemed silly. However, I smashed them and can say that I am proud of myself. So what to do when you have what you want? Make some more targets thats what! But what would be a sensible step forward? When I am a bit more knowledgeable on my companies systems etc, I would quite like to work in IT Operations which would involve overnight working every few weeks but the money would be a 15% rise on what I earn at the moment and there is always a fair bit of overtime going... So yes, thats the next chapter Im aiming for... Tell you something, I could never be accused of having no ambition.. Some would say I am too money minded but I dont slog my guts out for 8 hours a day 5 days a week and 6 hours every 3 saturdays to get paid 600 pound at the end of the month..Believe me when I say I learned the hard way that money makes the world go around.. Call me fickle if you like but thats the way it is for me..

Lessons in this blog? Quite a few...

* Been bald is not necessarily a disadvantage
* Pay day is the best day of every month
* I am still capable of waffling
* My ex's family are even less "over me" than my ex!
* Its never a bad thing to reach to the stars when it comes to ambition.. cos u never know...
* I am fickle...

Adies Most Hated Song..

Someone at work today asked me what kind of music I like and dislike... I like to think I have quite a broad sense of music taste, my favourite of course been anything cheesey! But then I thought, there is one song... One song more than any other song in the whole world that I dislike.. No I hate.. In fact, even thinking of it gives me rage...

*picture this.. or even better, download the song...it will help you visulise it...your in a gay club... the lights dim and then 12 of the queeniest gay queens u have ever seen in your life grab a tambourine each and start performing the most ridicuous jig to the song below* (this includes doing a limp wrist action every time the word camp is mentioned...need I say more?)

AROUND THE OLD CAMP FIRE
Memories and melodies of songs I use to know
Friends of mine that harmonise together
Scally wags and sleeping bags tent flaps all askew
Breathing in the open air together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

The buttercups and daises and little pansies in the grass
Oh those happy times we had to treasure
Little creepy crawly things that got in to the tarts
And fairy cakes we had a tea together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Billy jean and other songs we never could get right
Singing till the fire turned into ashes
Twenty people in a tent oh we had such happy nights
Coco running down our fally assess
Asses asses asses

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Rising in the morning to the cry of tally ho
Horses hooves and foxhounds keep together
Gentle folk make music with a hunting we will go
I senceulize Panting in the heather
huh huh huh
Heather heather heather heather heather

Come on(x8)

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

It is not very often that I am "out-gayed" but I am very proud to say that I have not been in the possession of a tambourine since I was about 8 and that i would sooner have my arm (or bollock!) hairs plucked out one by one than do anything other than tut and switch off for 5 painful minutes when this song is played!!

Go on... download it... you know u want to...it REALLY is that bad... Any gays that read this and have seen the offending tambourinists then please back me up!! :-)

xx

The End Of Big Brother 2006...

Was anyone else as gutted as me when Pete emerged as the winner of Big Brother 2006?? I dont think it was a surprise to anybody but I hope that all of the people that voted for the fool were pleased with themselves when he threw himself around the house and down the stairs then around the stage/chairs/audience etc etc etc... I sat with friends and watched in horror as the nation chose the biggest idiot to win big brother yet. I suppose with his tourrettes he thought that actions would speak louder than words? This can be correct but if your actions are saying "im a prick with no self control" then maybe best to just keep them in check and stick with the "WANKER! *THUMP* Meow! "I thought the nation would have seen him acting like a prat enough on the way in to figure out that he was as much a deserving winner as Anthony wotzizfacethatnooneremembers was last year! Another hyperactive imbecile that loved himself just a little bit more than anyone else did!

Why we couldnt have voted an underdog to win, I dont know! I tried to vote for the ghetto princess.. I call her this because I still cannot spell her name! Achylene?!? She came third and in my opinion was a much more deserving winner although even choosing her was a case of choosing the best of a very... VERY bad bunch...

However much I always moan about these things, I will be sitting there next year with the rest of you, glued to my seat and again, moaning about how shit the series is... roll on BB 2007!!

:-)

xx

A meal out...

I dont tend to have much to say so far this week... Ive just been doing bits and bobs.. Been out for Dannis birthday on Wednesday and that was a good night and then last night I went out for dinner with my mates! Everything Im doing seems to revolve around food at the moment!! I have ten pound to last me 8 days.. I am seeing it as a challenge... A challenge I dont think im going to win but a challenge nonetheless!!

Bev and Jaya came around tonight and for the first time this year, kazduck cooked a proper homemade meal!! It made a lovely change though and I shall look forward to my Christmas dinner...

Just waiting for Richard to come round now.. Havent had a shower for 1.5 days (eww... double ewww considering I went the gym yesterday!!) so I think I better jump in now!! Im not dirty.. honest...Im a gay.. we smell of roses and all things beautiful!!! xxx

Grr... FUCKING GRRR!!!!

Note to self:-

• Do not trust recipe books older than 20 years..
• Remember that if you do take a recipe out of recipe books older than 20 years. that fan ovens now exist and you should adjust time accordingly.....
• Overcooking caramel results in toffee
• You cant whip Single cream for filling a cake
• Baking does not ease stress but sometimes makes you want to chuck the whole contents of fucking kitchen out of window on unsuspecting folk...
• Newsagents are useless for emergency stock!

Im annoyed.. I need to smash something... 5 hours later after I started baking a bit of something to take around Beverleys tonight and I have nothing to show for it.. Nothing!

Not at all happy... Think I need a lie down... the good news? I can now cook shortcake!

Grrrr xx

Finally...

The big lil sister and her betrothed have finally sold the car that they were saving to pay for their wedding and honey moon next year. About time as well after it had been on sale for a month or seven!!! Hopefully we are going to be getting this holiday booked in the next couple of days to Dominican Republic!! I sat beverley down the other day and we played "travel agents" for about 3 hours where we found some very nice hotels.. It made a nice change to playing post office when I was 8 but not quite as exciting as playing with my barbies when I was 3-15..... The holiday will be very expensive compared to what Ive been paying with Richies discounts on the last few but I wont need any spending money for this one as it will be all inclusive which is rather marvellous! :-)

I am having problems with my phone yet again. Its going to have to go back to manufacturers... AGAIN! Not too impressed at the moment! Shitty Nokia N80's!! However, while I was looking through it today, I found a song that got bluetoothed to me by Natt when I went down to visit. Its by Snow Patrol and one of the things that made me see sense when my relationship was going through a bad patch...Read the lyrics below and if you can, get the song.. :-


Snow Patrol- You could be happy

You could be happy and I won’t know
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips ’till it’s madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it’s all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

xx