Birthdays Galore!

I have had both my sisters and my neices birthday this week. Bought Bevelery a miniature teddy bear and paid some towards a course on the sun beds and bought Jaya £30.00 worth of Next Vouchers and a cute little Me 2 U bear saying "Special little girl" on it. Also baked a cake and it actually looked and tasted fandabby dosey. I will attach photos!

I am eating ridiculously this week and need to start cutting down. Why cant I develop a cute lil eating disorder like all the celebrities!? I dare not even weigh myself for fear of scales saying "please get off me you fat bastard." To add to my dilemma, I am also going for a chinese with people from my companies customer services department tonight. Diet obviously not starting today then... and tomorrow its friday so not allowed to diet over weekend as would be against my religion! Crap aint I? Mummy dear on the other hand is continuing to lose weight for her holiday next year. Very proud of her! :-)

Thee mother and Mrs Swain will be meeting on Saturday when me and betrothed go "shphering" (get pushed down a massive hill in a big hamster ball) Hope they get on!

Leah, Anglesey, and weddings...

A brief description of my weekend...

• My bathroom is now green-ish and needs finishing when I have more spare time!
• Did lunch with Richards friends on Saturday day. Very nice folkies they were too!
• Went out with mates on Saturday night. Went in mood with betrothed. Went home. Decided didnt want to be back home. Wanted to see leah from big brother in the club and see if boobs were as big as claimed. Went back out with friend who had also argued with her betrothed. My betrothed also came back out. A couple of arguments later, we agreed to disagree and he told me I was not going to any wedding the next day.
• Reminded myself to remember that Leahs boobies did not look as big in real life as they did on big brother. Would suggest breast enlargement if she wishes to uphold image of busty blonde.
• Got extremely leathered and slept at a mates mates house. Went to bed around 6am-ish I am informed having resorted to throwing any alcohol i was given over myself in extreme desperation to stop drinking.
• Woke up at 9.40am (Due to leave to wedding I was no longer allowed to go to at 9.00am) and realised that phone had ran out of battery. Wondered if still was not invited to wedding. Threw self out of bed. Realised was near YMCA in hanley... Rushed home.
• On way home pondered on how much of an idiot had been. Reminded self not to mix alcohol and irrational decisions.
• Turned phone on when home. Had 28 missed calls, 2 nice text messages from betrothed, 12 horrible messages when betrothed realised I was not answering phone.
• Reminded myself that I will never drink again.
• Realised that everyone thought that I had turned my phone off to ignore calls to go to wedding. Knew this was not the case myself so pondered over options.
• Caught a taxi to Anglesey at cost of £110.00...
• Finally arrived at hotel in Anglesey and was greeted with "love taps" from betrothed. Did not amuse this time as was hungover. Blows slightly better as was hit with pillow.
• All in all had a very nice wedding despite hungoveredness... Bride looked beautiful and speeches all very enjoyable. Nice meal too.
• On way home called in at Rhyl. Felt very posh in front of chavvy families until rode on Nessy (ride for 5 year olds..) Lost street cred but held head high.
• Went to betrothed sisters bfs house for meal. Very nice and healthy too.. Made nice difference from take away food!

All in all a very eventful weekend. Wont be doing it again in a hurry anyway!

x

Bush Monkey?!

Its bizarre how when my hair is not short and neat, I let every other part of myself go to the pits. My clothing, my hygiene, my shaving and any plucking or grooming all lose a fighting chance. Im not quite stig of the dump yet but I reckon give it another two weeks and Id be rummaging through bins with the best of em! You can imagine how I felt yesterday when I saw my ex's sister who was looking quite glamerous (bitch) while I on the other hand looked like I had just been rejected from a homeless shelter for been too scruffy! I made very polite chit chat, trying to make up for the lack of my presentation with my hilarious sense of humour and caring personality (This involved me bawling across the road in between cars if her brother had had a lump removed from one of his bollocks... hmmm...Cant think why they never liked me..) Anyway, I thought Id cracked it, I thought that finally she had seen that there is more to a person than the way they look....until 10 minutes later the exs mother who had obviously received a phone call from her daughter telling her that Id taken to crawling the streets preying on defenseless old women, drove past me twice and gave me one of those smug "you look like shit and my son has done better than you" looks! How rude! Reminded me of what they were like though.. Thank Christ for Mr/Mrs/Miss Swanjay... :-)

Oh yeah, Back to me and my hair, Im not walking around like Rapunzel or anything, but my hair is one of those bizarre wonders of the world and instead of growing into silky flowing locks which I can flick about, tends to grow out into something that resembles something between a brillo pad and a bush monkey. I have not had my hair cut for nearly four weeks which is the longest I have waited in the last year. This is mainly due to be been a tight arse and wanting to spend the extra ten pound on sweeties and takeaways! (could just eat an indian...)
Anyway, getting it chopped tomorrow so maybe I will have cleaned, plucked and groomed myself sufficiently for Matt and Dannis wedding on Saturday! Only time will tell..

I was asked to do some overtime for work today and Im not usually one for overtime unless it is of decent enough proportions to make some kind of difference in my wages. Grudgingly, I came in and the day has actually gone quicker than it usually would on a normal late shift as I was helping to despatch an upgrade to our depots for the first few hours of my day. Sad to say but I actually even enjoyed it a little bit! I have found my calling in life.. A picker and a packer! :-)

Im probably worse than most when it comes to moaning about my job. Some days I have days when I am angry at the people that I work with, Some days I get angry at customers and the depots and their lack of common sense and some days, well, I am just angry with myself and my lack of knowledge of all things I.T-ey (technical word, that one!) ... However, there are getting more and more times when I pleasantly surprise myself and lately I am starting to see more and more that the calls that I am struggling with are worthy of been stuck on. I know this because people who I am asking advise from are also unsure of the steps to take. I think its just a case of taking the rough with the smooth and realise that as with any job, it is three steps forward and two back...

Are you able to tell that it is pay day tomorrow?!! Every time I open my payslip in IT, I feel a sense of accomplishment....I set myself to targets, Targets that to some people seemed silly. However, I smashed them and can say that I am proud of myself. So what to do when you have what you want? Make some more targets thats what! But what would be a sensible step forward? When I am a bit more knowledgeable on my companies systems etc, I would quite like to work in IT Operations which would involve overnight working every few weeks but the money would be a 15% rise on what I earn at the moment and there is always a fair bit of overtime going... So yes, thats the next chapter Im aiming for... Tell you something, I could never be accused of having no ambition.. Some would say I am too money minded but I dont slog my guts out for 8 hours a day 5 days a week and 6 hours every 3 saturdays to get paid 600 pound at the end of the month..Believe me when I say I learned the hard way that money makes the world go around.. Call me fickle if you like but thats the way it is for me..

Lessons in this blog? Quite a few...

* Been bald is not necessarily a disadvantage
* Pay day is the best day of every month
* I am still capable of waffling
* My ex's family are even less "over me" than my ex!
* Its never a bad thing to reach to the stars when it comes to ambition.. cos u never know...
* I am fickle...

Adies Most Hated Song..

Someone at work today asked me what kind of music I like and dislike... I like to think I have quite a broad sense of music taste, my favourite of course been anything cheesey! But then I thought, there is one song... One song more than any other song in the whole world that I dislike.. No I hate.. In fact, even thinking of it gives me rage...

*picture this.. or even better, download the song...it will help you visulise it...your in a gay club... the lights dim and then 12 of the queeniest gay queens u have ever seen in your life grab a tambourine each and start performing the most ridicuous jig to the song below* (this includes doing a limp wrist action every time the word camp is mentioned...need I say more?)

AROUND THE OLD CAMP FIRE
Memories and melodies of songs I use to know
Friends of mine that harmonise together
Scally wags and sleeping bags tent flaps all askew
Breathing in the open air together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

The buttercups and daises and little pansies in the grass
Oh those happy times we had to treasure
Little creepy crawly things that got in to the tarts
And fairy cakes we had a tea together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Billy jean and other songs we never could get right
Singing till the fire turned into ashes
Twenty people in a tent oh we had such happy nights
Coco running down our fally assess
Asses asses asses

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Rising in the morning to the cry of tally ho
Horses hooves and foxhounds keep together
Gentle folk make music with a hunting we will go
I senceulize Panting in the heather
huh huh huh
Heather heather heather heather heather

Come on(x8)

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

It is not very often that I am "out-gayed" but I am very proud to say that I have not been in the possession of a tambourine since I was about 8 and that i would sooner have my arm (or bollock!) hairs plucked out one by one than do anything other than tut and switch off for 5 painful minutes when this song is played!!

Go on... download it... you know u want to...it REALLY is that bad... Any gays that read this and have seen the offending tambourinists then please back me up!! :-)

xx

The End Of Big Brother 2006...

Was anyone else as gutted as me when Pete emerged as the winner of Big Brother 2006?? I dont think it was a surprise to anybody but I hope that all of the people that voted for the fool were pleased with themselves when he threw himself around the house and down the stairs then around the stage/chairs/audience etc etc etc... I sat with friends and watched in horror as the nation chose the biggest idiot to win big brother yet. I suppose with his tourrettes he thought that actions would speak louder than words? This can be correct but if your actions are saying "im a prick with no self control" then maybe best to just keep them in check and stick with the "WANKER! *THUMP* Meow! "I thought the nation would have seen him acting like a prat enough on the way in to figure out that he was as much a deserving winner as Anthony wotzizfacethatnooneremembers was last year! Another hyperactive imbecile that loved himself just a little bit more than anyone else did!

Why we couldnt have voted an underdog to win, I dont know! I tried to vote for the ghetto princess.. I call her this because I still cannot spell her name! Achylene?!? She came third and in my opinion was a much more deserving winner although even choosing her was a case of choosing the best of a very... VERY bad bunch...

However much I always moan about these things, I will be sitting there next year with the rest of you, glued to my seat and again, moaning about how shit the series is... roll on BB 2007!!

:-)

xx

A meal out...

I dont tend to have much to say so far this week... Ive just been doing bits and bobs.. Been out for Dannis birthday on Wednesday and that was a good night and then last night I went out for dinner with my mates! Everything Im doing seems to revolve around food at the moment!! I have ten pound to last me 8 days.. I am seeing it as a challenge... A challenge I dont think im going to win but a challenge nonetheless!!

Bev and Jaya came around tonight and for the first time this year, kazduck cooked a proper homemade meal!! It made a lovely change though and I shall look forward to my Christmas dinner...

Just waiting for Richard to come round now.. Havent had a shower for 1.5 days (eww... double ewww considering I went the gym yesterday!!) so I think I better jump in now!! Im not dirty.. honest...Im a gay.. we smell of roses and all things beautiful!!! xxx

Grr... FUCKING GRRR!!!!

Note to self:-

• Do not trust recipe books older than 20 years..
• Remember that if you do take a recipe out of recipe books older than 20 years. that fan ovens now exist and you should adjust time accordingly.....
• Overcooking caramel results in toffee
• You cant whip Single cream for filling a cake
• Baking does not ease stress but sometimes makes you want to chuck the whole contents of fucking kitchen out of window on unsuspecting folk...
• Newsagents are useless for emergency stock!

Im annoyed.. I need to smash something... 5 hours later after I started baking a bit of something to take around Beverleys tonight and I have nothing to show for it.. Nothing!

Not at all happy... Think I need a lie down... the good news? I can now cook shortcake!

Grrrr xx

Finally...

The big lil sister and her betrothed have finally sold the car that they were saving to pay for their wedding and honey moon next year. About time as well after it had been on sale for a month or seven!!! Hopefully we are going to be getting this holiday booked in the next couple of days to Dominican Republic!! I sat beverley down the other day and we played "travel agents" for about 3 hours where we found some very nice hotels.. It made a nice change to playing post office when I was 8 but not quite as exciting as playing with my barbies when I was 3-15..... The holiday will be very expensive compared to what Ive been paying with Richies discounts on the last few but I wont need any spending money for this one as it will be all inclusive which is rather marvellous! :-)

I am having problems with my phone yet again. Its going to have to go back to manufacturers... AGAIN! Not too impressed at the moment! Shitty Nokia N80's!! However, while I was looking through it today, I found a song that got bluetoothed to me by Natt when I went down to visit. Its by Snow Patrol and one of the things that made me see sense when my relationship was going through a bad patch...Read the lyrics below and if you can, get the song.. :-


Snow Patrol- You could be happy

You could be happy and I won’t know
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips ’till it’s madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it’s all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

xx

Bump or Bumpette?

Donna is now at the point in her pregnancy where she is threatening to beat the little bambino up when he or she is born. Sources tell me that the fully formed little fella or fellatte is partial to a bit of a salsa...

The question is... Boy or Girl? Names have been chosen for both.... answers on a post card please!! :-)

Will post soon xx

Long week...

I moan when Im working 2-10pm, I moan when I am working 6-2pm, I moan when Im working 9-5pm... But I have managed to figure out why I moan so much. Its going from one shift to another all of the time. Just as my body clock is clicking into place, it gets ripped off its hinges and shoved on a completely different kind of day. No wonder I get shift allowance.. Well deserved, thats what I say! This may have seemed obvious to everyone else, but the penny has only just dropped with me...

I went out to a local pub with Richard and Fay last night. It was a good night and Fay is looking ever so girly lately... Her hairs all longy and feathery and she is wearing makeup and girly clothes. She looks loads different to the days of "the wedge!" and seems to have lost quite a bit of weight as well. She will be grabbing a man off the shelf in no time! :-)

Im going to visit my nan after work today as she was in hospital a week or so ago. I prefer to see her when it has all quietened down as I dont like making small talk with people I barely see once a year! (relatives, but only by name connection.) For once wish she would give herself a rest but I suppose she is used to looking after people and if thats what is born into you then why take it away...

Im starting to look forward to my holiday in Nice now.. Its not all that far away now and its going to be the last break until my big, little sisters wedding in Dominican republic next June and before then I need to start saving money... I have loads that Ive got to fork out money for which is a little bit annoying but as soon as its all paid off I can start building up some funds! :-)

Post soon x x

Oh and by the way, these outfits are EXACTLY what im going to be wearing for the next wedding I go to! :-)

Some photos from the wedding...

Some random photos... Note to all, the only photo I can actually remember is the one of me in shirt and tie...

Fantabulous wedding...

I didnt expect the wedding of Richards colleague to be much to look forward to... On the contrary, I expected to nodd and smile politely at lots of people that I didnt know, eat dry sausage rolls and sit in a corner for twelve hours clock watching. I was wrong. Oh so very wrong! It was the best planned wedding from start to finish I have ever been. The details, the things u dont even notice unless they are there were planned out perfectly and I think that the bride and groom did themselves proud. Ive even saved my name that they put on the table I was on as it was so handmade and poosh! Rather than the typical buffet of dry sandwiches, they put on sausage and bacon sandwiches.. Real beer food.. Very impressive! I will try and add a couple of photos soon! I dont have to tell anyone that I was absolutely hammered do I? You know that already... Could hardly walk..that was at 7pm...It got worse after that but I cant remember so its fine.. Too much free wine!

Went out with Richards family last night to a pub in Madeley. Mr and Mrs Swain go there every Sunday. It is amusing because they know what Mrs Swain orders week in week out (the fillet steak sandwich.) Very good night had by all as always with the Swains!!

Call me morbid but since yesterday, Ive been convinced that I am going to die. I thought it was just the hangover taking effect but Im feeling similar this morning! Its a bit "final destination-ish" except I am seeing in every single situation that I am put in and seeing the most grotesque ways that I could die in that situation. You would like an example? Of course you would! Driving home from Buxton yesterday, Me and Richard were in his car with the windows wound down. I was convinced that some form of sharp object was gonna fly through the window of the car one side, and fly out the other, somewhere in between slitting mine and Richards throat. Oh yeah, did I mention that if Im dying, hes coming with me.. We can skip over the clouds playing our harps together! (or rod each other up the bum with pokers in hell...Im easy...)

Will post tomorrow xx

My favourite poem...

Who is really inside?


When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a hospital in England, it appeared she had left nothing of value.

The nurse, packing up her possessions, found this poem. The quality so impressed the staff that copies were distributed to all the nurses in the hospital.

This poem then later appeared in the Christmas edition of "Beacon House News," a magazine of the Northern Ireland Mental Health Association. This was the Lady's bequest for posterity.

Crabbit Old Woman

What do you see nurse,
What do you see?
What are you thinking
When you look at me?
A crabbit old woman,
Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit
With far away eyes.

Who dribbles her food
And makes no reply;
When you say in a loud voice,
"I do wish you'd try."
Who seems not to notice
The things that you do,
And forever is losing
A stocking or shoe.
Unresisting or not,
Lets you do as you will;
With bathing or feeding,
The long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking,
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurse,
You're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am,
As I sit here so still,
As I move at your bidding,
As I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten
...With a father and mother,
And brothers and sisters
Who love one another.

A girl of sixteen,
With wings on her feet;
Dreaming that soon,
A lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at twenty
...My heart gives a leap;
Remembering the vows
That I promised to keep.

At twenty-five,
I have young of my own,
Who need me to build
A secure and happy home.

A woman of thirty,
My young now grow fast,
Bound together with ties
That forever should last.

At forty, my young ones
Have grown up and gone;
But my man is beside me
To see I don't mourn.

At fifty, once more .
..Babies play 'round my knees;
Again we know children,
My loved ones and me....

.

Dark days are upon me,
My husband is dead
...I look at the future,
I shudder with dread;
For my young are all rearing,
Young of their own,
And I think of the years
And the love I have known.

I am an old woman now,
Nature is cruel,
‘Tis her jest to make old age
Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles,
Grace and vigor depart,
There now is a stone
Where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass,
A young girl still dwells,
And now and again
My battered heart swells.

I remember the joys,
I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living
Life over again.
I think of the years
...All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact
That nothing can last.

So open your eyes nurses,
Open and see
...Not a "Crabbit Old Woman,
"Look closer ... see "Me."

~ Phyllis McCormack ~

Weddings, Babies and Houses...

Im not sure why, but since I have been in coupledom, I have been invited to more weddings than I have ever known,. I guess this is because Richard has mainly straight friends, where as most of mine seem to be of the bent variety. And if my friends are not shit stabbers or girls drinking from the furry mug, they are the emotional fuckwits that we have come to know and love in this modern day world. Thinking about it, some are both! Dont get me wrong, I have a few close friends but Im talking in general. Are these people I am meant to have things in common with? I hope not! I like the fact that most of Richards friends are normal. I say most of because I know that Mark Harris slipped through the net and I regard him as a vile prick that smokes too much! Anyway, back to weddings! I think my fave this year will possibly be Richs mate Matt and Danni. Im quite looking forward to that one as we will get to stay over in Anglesey for a night and it will be with quite a few people who I know! :-)

Donna Donut is due to give birth not so long from now.. The last time I saw her she was getting rather big in bumpage. It will be strange seeing Kev, Don and Mini Donut.. It seems like only a few days ago when I was holding My sisters hand as she gave birth to my neice Jaya. I use the term "holding" very loosely.. If I was to say gripping as if my life depended on it you would call me a drama queen. All good memories though.. The screaming, the stiches, the afterbirth...booodiful.. It is worth every second of it though for what you get out of it though as Im sure Beverley and any other mother out there will agree. Jaya is the closest I will ever get to having my own kid and I love her to bits. It is her first birthday on August 30th. Very handy that it comes just after pay day but very selfish of Beverley to conceive on a date where she knew she would be giving birth sometime around her very own birthday (only 2 days later!)

I think as we all get older, whether we are gay or straight, we seem to have things dawn on us. Lately for me it has been that Im never getting married (noone would have me), Im never having kids (Dont think my sea-men would be interested in anchoring at the harbour if you know what I mean?!) and I may never get to own my own house. The house thing is a biggy for me. A mixture of a few shitty decisions made by me when I was 18-19 and naive stupidity of thinking that me and my ex would be together forever got me in a financial ditch. When I say ditch I mean more of a big fat smelly fucking mess. But then again, even if I could get a mortgage, which I probably could if I had the right kind of deposit, what would happen to my mum? She cant afford to get her own place at the moment and what kind of a son would I be to see her struggle?

I sometimes feel like I may have fucked my life up before it ever really began. God only knows what damage I will do when I have a mid life crisis! I shouldnt moan because I have a hell of a lot more than most. Im just always thinking to the future and with my situation, I dont see where that leads except right back to where I am now. It would just be nice to get a chance to dig my heels in again and be given another chance to right my wrongs. After all, I worked my tits off to get the job that I have now and Im proud to have achieved it. Some things are not that easy though are they as they are taken out of our hands?? We only get one chance which is unfortunate. Ill fight until the end though. I always have.. So get your fists up for round two, bitches!

Take care until next post..

If any of you have a PSP or any kind of games console, take a look here for some bargains on selected games! Just do a search as you never know what you will find! Some seem to be stupidly cheap though! I know Richard got Lemmings and Micro Machines V4 for PSP for around 30 pound for both of them incl delivery. A bargain as they retail at around 30 each! Go one step further and join greasypalm beforehand and earn cashback on purchases from a large range of online stores.. just from shopping online occasionally, Ive had two cheques for £25.00 off them so far and I dont even remember to use it half of the time!

I have a counter...

Now I get to see how many people are actually viewing my blog... To the best of my knowledge the counter only views individual IP addresses rather than page visits although there is a seperate place for me to view this info. The only trouble is that using Internet Explorer 6.0, the right hand side of my blog is sinking to the bottom of the screen... Doesnt look too pretty at the moment but Im looking into getting it sorted!

Went to Leicester last weekend and had a nice time.. Went to stratford on the saturday. It is just like going the seaside but with Canals instead of sea! On the Sunday I Finally got my hands on a Sega Mega Drive, which I have been itching to get at for months and months and then as soon as the purchase was made, I totally changed my mind about wanting one! Am good like that arent I!? Popped it on ebay and made a £15.00 profit though so wont moan!

My Apple Mac Scares me.. It is official.. It just sits there looking so pretty and I darent touch it.. Im on my laptop here again.. People keep telling me to sell the Apple Mac but its just so pretty!! As long as it brightens my room, it is staying.. Maybe the most expensive ornament Ive ever bought but... well... Pah!

I am going to a wedding this weekend... Dont know the bride, met the groom once.. Does this give me the go ahead to get absolutely paraletically drunken and disorderly as Ill never meet any of them again anyway?! Bought a new shirt and tie anyway.. the one for the last wedding was a bit much so this time Ive just brought a pink shirt and a multi coloured tie... Why u lookin at me like that?? WHAT?!?!!? ;-)
xx