And the bubble bursts!!... So to speak...

Just a quickie (story of my life...)

Congratulations to donut and mr donut on birth of baby Jake this morning at 6.45am. After 3 days of labour, id say a job well done!!

Fancy Dress?! Another effin Aeroplane... ' COFF!!!

Ive heard a rumour.. It sprung from the customer services section and has hit almost every department.. This year for our Christmas party, there is talk of having fancy dress?! I have enough difficulty around that time of year choosing an outfit as it is without throwing a fancy dress party into the equation! A little bird tells me there is also a theme for this fancy dress... Barons and Baronesses?!?! Personally I reckon it is just an excuse to get people to dress better (We a bit common at ma company... women wore hotpants last year instead of evening gowns..) Well, I will tell you this for nothing, I aint purchasing an expensive cloak and walking staff for love nor money! I will wear a black bin liner around ma neck, and carry a twig in my hand and they will be bloody grateful! And top hat?! Ill wear a fake burberry baseball cap! Ha! Not even sure Ill even be going this year. My Broad Bean has left for Birmingham (Richard? is that a cheer I hear?!) so I wont have anyone to sip cocktails (neck pints) with... :-(

The time is almost nigh (again....) for me to go on an aeroplane (again.) Have you noticed I dont mention that once I get there I will be in Nice France and will probably have a really good week long break. You know why I dont? Cos I aint thought about the actual holiday once. Im just worrying about the flight. People have said all kinds of things to me to try and make me feel better but the fact of it is, is that Im getting very steadily worse. Even though I have not yet died in a plane crash, I am convinced that this is how I am going to meet my maker. For every good flight, my Fear of flying does not get better, but does not get worse. However, for every bad flight (so far have had 3).. im getting steadily worse which means that eventually im going to come to a halt and not be able to get on one of the things. I fear that time may not be as far off as I thought... And if there is even a sniff of a storm, u will have to sedate me to get on the bloody thing!

xx

Modern day inventions...

What would we do without our modern day gadgets? What are inventions of the Y2K that we now take for granted:-

My mobile phone:- I had my first mobile phone about 9 years ago. It was on a vodafone pay as you go tariff and you had to pay for "service days" as well as the calls. (equivalent of line rental) You got no freebies whatsoever with the tariff. Before that, I used the house phone or local phone box to ring everyone I needed to get in touch with. God help you if you rang a mobile though! Now I don't think twice about reaching into my pocket, wherever I am, and pulling out my 3.2 megapixel all singing all dancing camera phone, and texting (with my unlimited free texts) or calling a relative or friend (with my free minutes) to catch up with them. Its also handy if Im wanting to take a photo or video, cruise the internet or play a game.. My mobile phone is definitely my number one possession.

The Internet:- I have had access to the internet for around 10 years now. Im on there almost every day. Im on there now! I have done everything from chatting and blogging, to shopping and banking on the net. I think if someone said to me that I could never have access to it again, It would resemble the feeling of one losing a limb. It helps friends and families stay in touch for a very low cost even if they live half way around the world.

IPOD:- Its hard to think back to when I used to attempt to go to the gym or walk to work sporting anything other than my trusty IPOD Nano. With tape players you had to make sure you had songs you loved otherwise it would take an eternity to skip from one to the next. When I had a CD player, I had to exercise with a "light air" about me so not as to make the CD Player jump (which it did often!.) Now, with one click of a button, I have the world of music (or world of cheese) at my beck and call and could do somersaults on a bouncy castle (not a nice vision I know) and have no change in the quality of sound!

However, for all the good that the above has done, there are bad points too. Not that it will stop me or anyone else purchasing them but lets have a thought for below:-

Mobile Phones:- I found out that my dad was having an affair because I had access to his mobile phone and text messages. Mobiles have made it a lot easier for people to have out of hours relationships. Before mobile phones were invented, affairs were far from extinct, but how easy is it to ring someone when your partner is standing in the same room and tell them to "meet u by the grassy tree in 10 minutes..." See where Im coming from? Now, You leave the house, you ring your whore who also has a mobile, and you meet. If your not brave enough to ring, you can turn your phone on silent and send/receive text messages to/from whoever you want whenever you want to, simply slipping into the toilet whenever you need to read/reply. How often would you get questioned about going to the toilet!?

Internet:- Not a hard one this. The internet, as well as mobile phones for some, is killing the ability to verbally socialise in a group with people. Why phone someone or meet them when you can send an email or a text message. It comes to something when the only time you can make people laugh is when your typing. Among other things? Phoedophiles (I really dont know how to spell that..) preying on young kids "my space" accounts, married men (it could be your father) cruising chat rooms for sex. Videos of The Taliban chopping peoples heads off, displayed on your computer when all you are searching for is a Britney Speares song, and online fraud/hacking and viruses that knacker your computer. You have to be so careful on there. Is this an issue? Yes! Have I been bit in the ass by the internet more than once? Yes! Will I get shot of the internet until it stops? Well...No...

IPOD:- I met a friend a few months back that insisted on having their IPOD on in one ear whilst we were having a drink. Apart from pure ignorance when someone is trying to shout you across or have a conversation with you, I cant think of a lot of disadvantages of an IPOD. Except of course, if you don't look both ways, and then don't hear the car steaming towards you...

Im sure that there have been a lot more inventions that have affected us much more but than the 3 I have mentioned but they are just some of the ones I can think of that have had a big impact on my life so far...

I cannot sit here and criticise any of them because I use the net and my mobile more than most and think I would die of boredom without my IPOD accompanying me to work. I just wonder sometimes, If we had never had them, would we have ever missed them? And would it have really been such a bad thing....?

Sleeping...

I think I underestimate how much I like sleeping. When I am not at work, I am usually the first person to wake up and start prancing around the house clattering saucepans and singing at the top of my lungs, waking up anyone within a two mile radius of me and yet at the moment I feel like I could prop myself on a spike and sleep.... Why is it possible for some people to sleep in until 3pm and for other poor bastards like me to be up with the cock-a-doodle-doo?! No cocky comments.. ;-) .. This weekend Im going to try for a lie in.. 10am at the very earliest!!

I have been informed by reliable sources that Miss Donuts due date for mini donut is tomorrow. Next time I see her, she will probably have a bouncing baby boy or girl (Im sticking with boy).. Good luck Donut..May the force be with you...

xx

Photos

Among other photos, the lane that we were staying up... Nearest neighbours were around 15 min walk away! !


+

Mission Accomplished...

As you know, I set myself some missions for Scotland... And I completed all of them!!! You dont believe me? Let me explain...

* I ate haggis! It was a battered one from a chip shop in Glasgow (pits) but it still counts and it was very nice indeed!

* I saw a man with a kilt on... AND I saw what was underneath... Let me explain... When we were driving through Glasgow (pits), there was a man with a big black bomber jacket on... and nothing else... Strange people... Strange place! So that was my view of what a Scot holds under his kilt (heave).. and as for the man in a kilt? I saw an advert for Beef on TV with a man in a kilt chopping wood...

* I may not have caught the "Loch ness monster" but lets say I had a beast of my own to tame.... Muahahahha!

* As for the spice girls song on the bagpipes.. I whistled "wannabe" at the top of my lungs and was told by the lovely MJ to "shut up, ya big bag 'o wind! Surely that counts?!?!?

I have some photos.. they could be a lot better. There are alot more taken by Mr Peel and I was assured that they would be sitting in my mailbox, ready for me to upload... Bloody bastard... things people will say to get rid of me eh? For now, you will have to make do with the ones I took with my phone!

I spent many a cuddle with a kitty named Jasper. You can see him in a photo on here.. (hes a ginger but shhh..) He is one of the nicest pussy cats ever. You pick him up, put him on his back and tickle his belly and he just lies there instead of running off like most kitties would... (He reminds me somewhat of myself)

I will update with some more photos when I get them.. xx

Och' iy ga noooo!

I go to Scotland tonight for a couple of nights. I have a few missions for my weekend away:-

* Try Haggis. I know the concept of it is wrong but it is something that I need to do before I die. (and seeing as I am still ill and dying, now is as good a time as any!)

* Spot a man in a kilt and ask him whats under it.. (If he lets me see then 100 bonus points)

* Catch the Lochness monster (Note to self:-Remember to take net.)

* Play a rendition of a spice girls song on some bagpipes. (song TBA)

I am quite looking forward to going now altho not looking forward to the journey up there in my dying state! I shall try and take some photos for you all and will add them when I get back.. Until then...

xx

The dreaded lurgy...and over 500 views!

I am ill.. When I say ill.. I dont mean just "ill"... I am, what is commonly known as.. dying... This is no male flu.. This is my body packing in.. Goodbye cruel world.. goodbyeee goodbye goodbye....

I have noticed my blog has hit over 500 (527) visits since I started the counter! It seems to be averaging out at around 15 visits from individual IP addresses per day!.. Im obviously not as boring as I think! For the first time, Ive had a bit of a closer look at the counter stats and in the last 100 views, I have had everyone from London to singapore and the USA viewing it. Thank you to all and I hope that you continue reading. I do, however, find it amazing that you all read it but dont leave any bloody comments... Feel free.. Unless ur selling something, in which case you can piss off! :-)

xxx

U-G-L-Y

Anyone out there feeling ugly today? How about yesterday? Day before? I see a few of you nodding... Me? Some days I feel like I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every bastard branch on the way down before been pounded by an ugly man with an ugly stick.. What I dont think some people appreciate is that one comment can make us feel like we are walking on sunshine or at the other end of the spectrum, like a piece of shit on a shitty stick.

I contemplated the above on Friday night when my mum had got ready to go on a night out with her sister. I thought that she looked absolutely fantastic, and yet all that I could muster when she asked how she looked was "yeah, you look alright.. " I considered this when she had left and then sent her a text telling her that actually she looked the nicest I have seen her look possibly ever.. And it was the truth.. She looked beautiful. I got a text back saying that I had made her night. And that was all it took...

Take time out to tell people that you think they look nice, especially if they have made extra effort to do so. Believe me when I say it makes the world of difference. If you think people dont need compliments, you would be wrong. Everyone likes to hear that you like something about them, even if its been said a thousand times before.

Im going to make it my mission to be one of the people that do pay people compliments. Wanna join the club?

My favourite thing about myself?.. At the moment, not alot.
xxx

Take time to read..

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)


Dear Cretins,


I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care; it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

Dress code..

Hiya!
Its been such a long week! Thank God only 2 days of work left to go (then Im working Sat but we wont talk about that!) Work is getting busier and busier and we have just had a major office move so are now squashed in an office the size of my bedroom... Cosy? Nope! Absolutely sweating my bag off and stressed!? Oh Yes...

This brings me to the point of my blog this morning. It is a question that has been asked my generations and generations of men, but I reckon its about time that something got sorted... Why is it that women are allowed to come in work in a vest top and short skirts with open toed shoes on, but men are stuck with the same "shirt and tie wih trousers and *gentlemans shoes*" laws that we have come to know and love? Not that I want to wear a skirt I should add (a surprise to some!?) .. but something like a short sleeved shirt with a button open and no tie would not kill them!? Surely a shirt and tie is the equivalent of a blouse and neck-a-chief type thingy-ma-bobby for women.. They really ought to re think the whole process! I would try and escalate this view within my company but Im sure that it would lead to nothing more than my been issued with my P45 within a day or two or whining!

Went to an all you can eat indian buffet last night. Feeling particulary rough this morning.. Was not the classiest food I have ever eaten and Im sure Ill come down with the dreaded lurgy fairly shortly..

By the way, take a look at QUIDCO you can get cash back for shopping online and it is a much better deal than greasy palm... well worth a go Id say!

Until next time xx

Chinky! :-)

Went for a chinese last night and, for a change, didnt get pissed... So, for a change, here is a photo of me and ma Broad Bean sober! She is moving to Birmingham very soon now (I can hear my betrothed cheering from here!) but I will go and visit lots (and now, my betrothed will be snarling..) Anyhoo, we all really had a laugh and food was good for a canteen style chinese all you can eat! They even had a big chocolate fountain (Think these have gone from tasteful to tacky in the last year or so...) Anyway, since it was sitting there looking all chocolately and fountain-ee, I did threaten to go proper Vicar of Dibley style and lean my head under it but wimped out at the last minute and was more than happy with going on a rampage with the squirty cream instead... Highlight of the night was when one of the girls we were with asked a chinese waiter what her chinese symbol tattoos meant and he replied in the most stokie accent that I have ever heard that "I dunno, I aint chinese.." Let that be a lesson to us all to not judge a book by its cover!

Im a little peed off with my laptop. I seem to have obtained a big juicy virus from somewhere which is doing my box in a lil bit! Ill sort it later though as dont wanna have to use my MAC... Which can I say is still sitting there looking REALLY pretty! :-)

Birthdays Galore!

I have had both my sisters and my neices birthday this week. Bought Bevelery a miniature teddy bear and paid some towards a course on the sun beds and bought Jaya £30.00 worth of Next Vouchers and a cute little Me 2 U bear saying "Special little girl" on it. Also baked a cake and it actually looked and tasted fandabby dosey. I will attach photos!

I am eating ridiculously this week and need to start cutting down. Why cant I develop a cute lil eating disorder like all the celebrities!? I dare not even weigh myself for fear of scales saying "please get off me you fat bastard." To add to my dilemma, I am also going for a chinese with people from my companies customer services department tonight. Diet obviously not starting today then... and tomorrow its friday so not allowed to diet over weekend as would be against my religion! Crap aint I? Mummy dear on the other hand is continuing to lose weight for her holiday next year. Very proud of her! :-)

Thee mother and Mrs Swain will be meeting on Saturday when me and betrothed go "shphering" (get pushed down a massive hill in a big hamster ball) Hope they get on!

Leah, Anglesey, and weddings...

A brief description of my weekend...

• My bathroom is now green-ish and needs finishing when I have more spare time!
• Did lunch with Richards friends on Saturday day. Very nice folkies they were too!
• Went out with mates on Saturday night. Went in mood with betrothed. Went home. Decided didnt want to be back home. Wanted to see leah from big brother in the club and see if boobs were as big as claimed. Went back out with friend who had also argued with her betrothed. My betrothed also came back out. A couple of arguments later, we agreed to disagree and he told me I was not going to any wedding the next day.
• Reminded myself to remember that Leahs boobies did not look as big in real life as they did on big brother. Would suggest breast enlargement if she wishes to uphold image of busty blonde.
• Got extremely leathered and slept at a mates mates house. Went to bed around 6am-ish I am informed having resorted to throwing any alcohol i was given over myself in extreme desperation to stop drinking.
• Woke up at 9.40am (Due to leave to wedding I was no longer allowed to go to at 9.00am) and realised that phone had ran out of battery. Wondered if still was not invited to wedding. Threw self out of bed. Realised was near YMCA in hanley... Rushed home.
• On way home pondered on how much of an idiot had been. Reminded self not to mix alcohol and irrational decisions.
• Turned phone on when home. Had 28 missed calls, 2 nice text messages from betrothed, 12 horrible messages when betrothed realised I was not answering phone.
• Reminded myself that I will never drink again.
• Realised that everyone thought that I had turned my phone off to ignore calls to go to wedding. Knew this was not the case myself so pondered over options.
• Caught a taxi to Anglesey at cost of £110.00...
• Finally arrived at hotel in Anglesey and was greeted with "love taps" from betrothed. Did not amuse this time as was hungover. Blows slightly better as was hit with pillow.
• All in all had a very nice wedding despite hungoveredness... Bride looked beautiful and speeches all very enjoyable. Nice meal too.
• On way home called in at Rhyl. Felt very posh in front of chavvy families until rode on Nessy (ride for 5 year olds..) Lost street cred but held head high.
• Went to betrothed sisters bfs house for meal. Very nice and healthy too.. Made nice difference from take away food!

All in all a very eventful weekend. Wont be doing it again in a hurry anyway!

x

Bush Monkey?!

Its bizarre how when my hair is not short and neat, I let every other part of myself go to the pits. My clothing, my hygiene, my shaving and any plucking or grooming all lose a fighting chance. Im not quite stig of the dump yet but I reckon give it another two weeks and Id be rummaging through bins with the best of em! You can imagine how I felt yesterday when I saw my ex's sister who was looking quite glamerous (bitch) while I on the other hand looked like I had just been rejected from a homeless shelter for been too scruffy! I made very polite chit chat, trying to make up for the lack of my presentation with my hilarious sense of humour and caring personality (This involved me bawling across the road in between cars if her brother had had a lump removed from one of his bollocks... hmmm...Cant think why they never liked me..) Anyway, I thought Id cracked it, I thought that finally she had seen that there is more to a person than the way they look....until 10 minutes later the exs mother who had obviously received a phone call from her daughter telling her that Id taken to crawling the streets preying on defenseless old women, drove past me twice and gave me one of those smug "you look like shit and my son has done better than you" looks! How rude! Reminded me of what they were like though.. Thank Christ for Mr/Mrs/Miss Swanjay... :-)

Oh yeah, Back to me and my hair, Im not walking around like Rapunzel or anything, but my hair is one of those bizarre wonders of the world and instead of growing into silky flowing locks which I can flick about, tends to grow out into something that resembles something between a brillo pad and a bush monkey. I have not had my hair cut for nearly four weeks which is the longest I have waited in the last year. This is mainly due to be been a tight arse and wanting to spend the extra ten pound on sweeties and takeaways! (could just eat an indian...)
Anyway, getting it chopped tomorrow so maybe I will have cleaned, plucked and groomed myself sufficiently for Matt and Dannis wedding on Saturday! Only time will tell..

I was asked to do some overtime for work today and Im not usually one for overtime unless it is of decent enough proportions to make some kind of difference in my wages. Grudgingly, I came in and the day has actually gone quicker than it usually would on a normal late shift as I was helping to despatch an upgrade to our depots for the first few hours of my day. Sad to say but I actually even enjoyed it a little bit! I have found my calling in life.. A picker and a packer! :-)

Im probably worse than most when it comes to moaning about my job. Some days I have days when I am angry at the people that I work with, Some days I get angry at customers and the depots and their lack of common sense and some days, well, I am just angry with myself and my lack of knowledge of all things I.T-ey (technical word, that one!) ... However, there are getting more and more times when I pleasantly surprise myself and lately I am starting to see more and more that the calls that I am struggling with are worthy of been stuck on. I know this because people who I am asking advise from are also unsure of the steps to take. I think its just a case of taking the rough with the smooth and realise that as with any job, it is three steps forward and two back...

Are you able to tell that it is pay day tomorrow?!! Every time I open my payslip in IT, I feel a sense of accomplishment....I set myself to targets, Targets that to some people seemed silly. However, I smashed them and can say that I am proud of myself. So what to do when you have what you want? Make some more targets thats what! But what would be a sensible step forward? When I am a bit more knowledgeable on my companies systems etc, I would quite like to work in IT Operations which would involve overnight working every few weeks but the money would be a 15% rise on what I earn at the moment and there is always a fair bit of overtime going... So yes, thats the next chapter Im aiming for... Tell you something, I could never be accused of having no ambition.. Some would say I am too money minded but I dont slog my guts out for 8 hours a day 5 days a week and 6 hours every 3 saturdays to get paid 600 pound at the end of the month..Believe me when I say I learned the hard way that money makes the world go around.. Call me fickle if you like but thats the way it is for me..

Lessons in this blog? Quite a few...

* Been bald is not necessarily a disadvantage
* Pay day is the best day of every month
* I am still capable of waffling
* My ex's family are even less "over me" than my ex!
* Its never a bad thing to reach to the stars when it comes to ambition.. cos u never know...
* I am fickle...

Adies Most Hated Song..

Someone at work today asked me what kind of music I like and dislike... I like to think I have quite a broad sense of music taste, my favourite of course been anything cheesey! But then I thought, there is one song... One song more than any other song in the whole world that I dislike.. No I hate.. In fact, even thinking of it gives me rage...

*picture this.. or even better, download the song...it will help you visulise it...your in a gay club... the lights dim and then 12 of the queeniest gay queens u have ever seen in your life grab a tambourine each and start performing the most ridicuous jig to the song below* (this includes doing a limp wrist action every time the word camp is mentioned...need I say more?)

AROUND THE OLD CAMP FIRE
Memories and melodies of songs I use to know
Friends of mine that harmonise together
Scally wags and sleeping bags tent flaps all askew
Breathing in the open air together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

The buttercups and daises and little pansies in the grass
Oh those happy times we had to treasure
Little creepy crawly things that got in to the tarts
And fairy cakes we had a tea together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Billy jean and other songs we never could get right
Singing till the fire turned into ashes
Twenty people in a tent oh we had such happy nights
Coco running down our fally assess
Asses asses asses

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Rising in the morning to the cry of tally ho
Horses hooves and foxhounds keep together
Gentle folk make music with a hunting we will go
I senceulize Panting in the heather
huh huh huh
Heather heather heather heather heather

Come on(x8)

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

It is not very often that I am "out-gayed" but I am very proud to say that I have not been in the possession of a tambourine since I was about 8 and that i would sooner have my arm (or bollock!) hairs plucked out one by one than do anything other than tut and switch off for 5 painful minutes when this song is played!!

Go on... download it... you know u want to...it REALLY is that bad... Any gays that read this and have seen the offending tambourinists then please back me up!! :-)

xx

The End Of Big Brother 2006...

Was anyone else as gutted as me when Pete emerged as the winner of Big Brother 2006?? I dont think it was a surprise to anybody but I hope that all of the people that voted for the fool were pleased with themselves when he threw himself around the house and down the stairs then around the stage/chairs/audience etc etc etc... I sat with friends and watched in horror as the nation chose the biggest idiot to win big brother yet. I suppose with his tourrettes he thought that actions would speak louder than words? This can be correct but if your actions are saying "im a prick with no self control" then maybe best to just keep them in check and stick with the "WANKER! *THUMP* Meow! "I thought the nation would have seen him acting like a prat enough on the way in to figure out that he was as much a deserving winner as Anthony wotzizfacethatnooneremembers was last year! Another hyperactive imbecile that loved himself just a little bit more than anyone else did!

Why we couldnt have voted an underdog to win, I dont know! I tried to vote for the ghetto princess.. I call her this because I still cannot spell her name! Achylene?!? She came third and in my opinion was a much more deserving winner although even choosing her was a case of choosing the best of a very... VERY bad bunch...

However much I always moan about these things, I will be sitting there next year with the rest of you, glued to my seat and again, moaning about how shit the series is... roll on BB 2007!!

:-)

xx

A meal out...

I dont tend to have much to say so far this week... Ive just been doing bits and bobs.. Been out for Dannis birthday on Wednesday and that was a good night and then last night I went out for dinner with my mates! Everything Im doing seems to revolve around food at the moment!! I have ten pound to last me 8 days.. I am seeing it as a challenge... A challenge I dont think im going to win but a challenge nonetheless!!

Bev and Jaya came around tonight and for the first time this year, kazduck cooked a proper homemade meal!! It made a lovely change though and I shall look forward to my Christmas dinner...

Just waiting for Richard to come round now.. Havent had a shower for 1.5 days (eww... double ewww considering I went the gym yesterday!!) so I think I better jump in now!! Im not dirty.. honest...Im a gay.. we smell of roses and all things beautiful!!! xxx

Grr... FUCKING GRRR!!!!

Note to self:-

• Do not trust recipe books older than 20 years..
• Remember that if you do take a recipe out of recipe books older than 20 years. that fan ovens now exist and you should adjust time accordingly.....
• Overcooking caramel results in toffee
• You cant whip Single cream for filling a cake
• Baking does not ease stress but sometimes makes you want to chuck the whole contents of fucking kitchen out of window on unsuspecting folk...
• Newsagents are useless for emergency stock!

Im annoyed.. I need to smash something... 5 hours later after I started baking a bit of something to take around Beverleys tonight and I have nothing to show for it.. Nothing!

Not at all happy... Think I need a lie down... the good news? I can now cook shortcake!

Grrrr xx

Finally...

The big lil sister and her betrothed have finally sold the car that they were saving to pay for their wedding and honey moon next year. About time as well after it had been on sale for a month or seven!!! Hopefully we are going to be getting this holiday booked in the next couple of days to Dominican Republic!! I sat beverley down the other day and we played "travel agents" for about 3 hours where we found some very nice hotels.. It made a nice change to playing post office when I was 8 but not quite as exciting as playing with my barbies when I was 3-15..... The holiday will be very expensive compared to what Ive been paying with Richies discounts on the last few but I wont need any spending money for this one as it will be all inclusive which is rather marvellous! :-)

I am having problems with my phone yet again. Its going to have to go back to manufacturers... AGAIN! Not too impressed at the moment! Shitty Nokia N80's!! However, while I was looking through it today, I found a song that got bluetoothed to me by Natt when I went down to visit. Its by Snow Patrol and one of the things that made me see sense when my relationship was going through a bad patch...Read the lyrics below and if you can, get the song.. :-


Snow Patrol- You could be happy

You could be happy and I won’t know
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips ’till it’s madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it’s all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

xx