Modern day inventions...

What would we do without our modern day gadgets? What are inventions of the Y2K that we now take for granted:-

My mobile phone:- I had my first mobile phone about 9 years ago. It was on a vodafone pay as you go tariff and you had to pay for "service days" as well as the calls. (equivalent of line rental) You got no freebies whatsoever with the tariff. Before that, I used the house phone or local phone box to ring everyone I needed to get in touch with. God help you if you rang a mobile though! Now I don't think twice about reaching into my pocket, wherever I am, and pulling out my 3.2 megapixel all singing all dancing camera phone, and texting (with my unlimited free texts) or calling a relative or friend (with my free minutes) to catch up with them. Its also handy if Im wanting to take a photo or video, cruise the internet or play a game.. My mobile phone is definitely my number one possession.

The Internet:- I have had access to the internet for around 10 years now. Im on there almost every day. Im on there now! I have done everything from chatting and blogging, to shopping and banking on the net. I think if someone said to me that I could never have access to it again, It would resemble the feeling of one losing a limb. It helps friends and families stay in touch for a very low cost even if they live half way around the world.

IPOD:- Its hard to think back to when I used to attempt to go to the gym or walk to work sporting anything other than my trusty IPOD Nano. With tape players you had to make sure you had songs you loved otherwise it would take an eternity to skip from one to the next. When I had a CD player, I had to exercise with a "light air" about me so not as to make the CD Player jump (which it did often!.) Now, with one click of a button, I have the world of music (or world of cheese) at my beck and call and could do somersaults on a bouncy castle (not a nice vision I know) and have no change in the quality of sound!

However, for all the good that the above has done, there are bad points too. Not that it will stop me or anyone else purchasing them but lets have a thought for below:-

Mobile Phones:- I found out that my dad was having an affair because I had access to his mobile phone and text messages. Mobiles have made it a lot easier for people to have out of hours relationships. Before mobile phones were invented, affairs were far from extinct, but how easy is it to ring someone when your partner is standing in the same room and tell them to "meet u by the grassy tree in 10 minutes..." See where Im coming from? Now, You leave the house, you ring your whore who also has a mobile, and you meet. If your not brave enough to ring, you can turn your phone on silent and send/receive text messages to/from whoever you want whenever you want to, simply slipping into the toilet whenever you need to read/reply. How often would you get questioned about going to the toilet!?

Internet:- Not a hard one this. The internet, as well as mobile phones for some, is killing the ability to verbally socialise in a group with people. Why phone someone or meet them when you can send an email or a text message. It comes to something when the only time you can make people laugh is when your typing. Among other things? Phoedophiles (I really dont know how to spell that..) preying on young kids "my space" accounts, married men (it could be your father) cruising chat rooms for sex. Videos of The Taliban chopping peoples heads off, displayed on your computer when all you are searching for is a Britney Speares song, and online fraud/hacking and viruses that knacker your computer. You have to be so careful on there. Is this an issue? Yes! Have I been bit in the ass by the internet more than once? Yes! Will I get shot of the internet until it stops? Well...No...

IPOD:- I met a friend a few months back that insisted on having their IPOD on in one ear whilst we were having a drink. Apart from pure ignorance when someone is trying to shout you across or have a conversation with you, I cant think of a lot of disadvantages of an IPOD. Except of course, if you don't look both ways, and then don't hear the car steaming towards you...

Im sure that there have been a lot more inventions that have affected us much more but than the 3 I have mentioned but they are just some of the ones I can think of that have had a big impact on my life so far...

I cannot sit here and criticise any of them because I use the net and my mobile more than most and think I would die of boredom without my IPOD accompanying me to work. I just wonder sometimes, If we had never had them, would we have ever missed them? And would it have really been such a bad thing....?

Sleeping...

I think I underestimate how much I like sleeping. When I am not at work, I am usually the first person to wake up and start prancing around the house clattering saucepans and singing at the top of my lungs, waking up anyone within a two mile radius of me and yet at the moment I feel like I could prop myself on a spike and sleep.... Why is it possible for some people to sleep in until 3pm and for other poor bastards like me to be up with the cock-a-doodle-doo?! No cocky comments.. ;-) .. This weekend Im going to try for a lie in.. 10am at the very earliest!!

I have been informed by reliable sources that Miss Donuts due date for mini donut is tomorrow. Next time I see her, she will probably have a bouncing baby boy or girl (Im sticking with boy).. Good luck Donut..May the force be with you...

xx

Photos

Among other photos, the lane that we were staying up... Nearest neighbours were around 15 min walk away! !


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Mission Accomplished...

As you know, I set myself some missions for Scotland... And I completed all of them!!! You dont believe me? Let me explain...

* I ate haggis! It was a battered one from a chip shop in Glasgow (pits) but it still counts and it was very nice indeed!

* I saw a man with a kilt on... AND I saw what was underneath... Let me explain... When we were driving through Glasgow (pits), there was a man with a big black bomber jacket on... and nothing else... Strange people... Strange place! So that was my view of what a Scot holds under his kilt (heave).. and as for the man in a kilt? I saw an advert for Beef on TV with a man in a kilt chopping wood...

* I may not have caught the "Loch ness monster" but lets say I had a beast of my own to tame.... Muahahahha!

* As for the spice girls song on the bagpipes.. I whistled "wannabe" at the top of my lungs and was told by the lovely MJ to "shut up, ya big bag 'o wind! Surely that counts?!?!?

I have some photos.. they could be a lot better. There are alot more taken by Mr Peel and I was assured that they would be sitting in my mailbox, ready for me to upload... Bloody bastard... things people will say to get rid of me eh? For now, you will have to make do with the ones I took with my phone!

I spent many a cuddle with a kitty named Jasper. You can see him in a photo on here.. (hes a ginger but shhh..) He is one of the nicest pussy cats ever. You pick him up, put him on his back and tickle his belly and he just lies there instead of running off like most kitties would... (He reminds me somewhat of myself)

I will update with some more photos when I get them.. xx

Och' iy ga noooo!

I go to Scotland tonight for a couple of nights. I have a few missions for my weekend away:-

* Try Haggis. I know the concept of it is wrong but it is something that I need to do before I die. (and seeing as I am still ill and dying, now is as good a time as any!)

* Spot a man in a kilt and ask him whats under it.. (If he lets me see then 100 bonus points)

* Catch the Lochness monster (Note to self:-Remember to take net.)

* Play a rendition of a spice girls song on some bagpipes. (song TBA)

I am quite looking forward to going now altho not looking forward to the journey up there in my dying state! I shall try and take some photos for you all and will add them when I get back.. Until then...

xx

The dreaded lurgy...and over 500 views!

I am ill.. When I say ill.. I dont mean just "ill"... I am, what is commonly known as.. dying... This is no male flu.. This is my body packing in.. Goodbye cruel world.. goodbyeee goodbye goodbye....

I have noticed my blog has hit over 500 (527) visits since I started the counter! It seems to be averaging out at around 15 visits from individual IP addresses per day!.. Im obviously not as boring as I think! For the first time, Ive had a bit of a closer look at the counter stats and in the last 100 views, I have had everyone from London to singapore and the USA viewing it. Thank you to all and I hope that you continue reading. I do, however, find it amazing that you all read it but dont leave any bloody comments... Feel free.. Unless ur selling something, in which case you can piss off! :-)

xxx

U-G-L-Y

Anyone out there feeling ugly today? How about yesterday? Day before? I see a few of you nodding... Me? Some days I feel like I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every bastard branch on the way down before been pounded by an ugly man with an ugly stick.. What I dont think some people appreciate is that one comment can make us feel like we are walking on sunshine or at the other end of the spectrum, like a piece of shit on a shitty stick.

I contemplated the above on Friday night when my mum had got ready to go on a night out with her sister. I thought that she looked absolutely fantastic, and yet all that I could muster when she asked how she looked was "yeah, you look alright.. " I considered this when she had left and then sent her a text telling her that actually she looked the nicest I have seen her look possibly ever.. And it was the truth.. She looked beautiful. I got a text back saying that I had made her night. And that was all it took...

Take time out to tell people that you think they look nice, especially if they have made extra effort to do so. Believe me when I say it makes the world of difference. If you think people dont need compliments, you would be wrong. Everyone likes to hear that you like something about them, even if its been said a thousand times before.

Im going to make it my mission to be one of the people that do pay people compliments. Wanna join the club?

My favourite thing about myself?.. At the moment, not alot.
xxx

Take time to read..

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)


Dear Cretins,


I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don’t care; it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

Dress code..

Hiya!
Its been such a long week! Thank God only 2 days of work left to go (then Im working Sat but we wont talk about that!) Work is getting busier and busier and we have just had a major office move so are now squashed in an office the size of my bedroom... Cosy? Nope! Absolutely sweating my bag off and stressed!? Oh Yes...

This brings me to the point of my blog this morning. It is a question that has been asked my generations and generations of men, but I reckon its about time that something got sorted... Why is it that women are allowed to come in work in a vest top and short skirts with open toed shoes on, but men are stuck with the same "shirt and tie wih trousers and *gentlemans shoes*" laws that we have come to know and love? Not that I want to wear a skirt I should add (a surprise to some!?) .. but something like a short sleeved shirt with a button open and no tie would not kill them!? Surely a shirt and tie is the equivalent of a blouse and neck-a-chief type thingy-ma-bobby for women.. They really ought to re think the whole process! I would try and escalate this view within my company but Im sure that it would lead to nothing more than my been issued with my P45 within a day or two or whining!

Went to an all you can eat indian buffet last night. Feeling particulary rough this morning.. Was not the classiest food I have ever eaten and Im sure Ill come down with the dreaded lurgy fairly shortly..

By the way, take a look at QUIDCO you can get cash back for shopping online and it is a much better deal than greasy palm... well worth a go Id say!

Until next time xx

Chinky! :-)

Went for a chinese last night and, for a change, didnt get pissed... So, for a change, here is a photo of me and ma Broad Bean sober! She is moving to Birmingham very soon now (I can hear my betrothed cheering from here!) but I will go and visit lots (and now, my betrothed will be snarling..) Anyhoo, we all really had a laugh and food was good for a canteen style chinese all you can eat! They even had a big chocolate fountain (Think these have gone from tasteful to tacky in the last year or so...) Anyway, since it was sitting there looking all chocolately and fountain-ee, I did threaten to go proper Vicar of Dibley style and lean my head under it but wimped out at the last minute and was more than happy with going on a rampage with the squirty cream instead... Highlight of the night was when one of the girls we were with asked a chinese waiter what her chinese symbol tattoos meant and he replied in the most stokie accent that I have ever heard that "I dunno, I aint chinese.." Let that be a lesson to us all to not judge a book by its cover!

Im a little peed off with my laptop. I seem to have obtained a big juicy virus from somewhere which is doing my box in a lil bit! Ill sort it later though as dont wanna have to use my MAC... Which can I say is still sitting there looking REALLY pretty! :-)

Birthdays Galore!

I have had both my sisters and my neices birthday this week. Bought Bevelery a miniature teddy bear and paid some towards a course on the sun beds and bought Jaya £30.00 worth of Next Vouchers and a cute little Me 2 U bear saying "Special little girl" on it. Also baked a cake and it actually looked and tasted fandabby dosey. I will attach photos!

I am eating ridiculously this week and need to start cutting down. Why cant I develop a cute lil eating disorder like all the celebrities!? I dare not even weigh myself for fear of scales saying "please get off me you fat bastard." To add to my dilemma, I am also going for a chinese with people from my companies customer services department tonight. Diet obviously not starting today then... and tomorrow its friday so not allowed to diet over weekend as would be against my religion! Crap aint I? Mummy dear on the other hand is continuing to lose weight for her holiday next year. Very proud of her! :-)

Thee mother and Mrs Swain will be meeting on Saturday when me and betrothed go "shphering" (get pushed down a massive hill in a big hamster ball) Hope they get on!

Leah, Anglesey, and weddings...

A brief description of my weekend...

• My bathroom is now green-ish and needs finishing when I have more spare time!
• Did lunch with Richards friends on Saturday day. Very nice folkies they were too!
• Went out with mates on Saturday night. Went in mood with betrothed. Went home. Decided didnt want to be back home. Wanted to see leah from big brother in the club and see if boobs were as big as claimed. Went back out with friend who had also argued with her betrothed. My betrothed also came back out. A couple of arguments later, we agreed to disagree and he told me I was not going to any wedding the next day.
• Reminded myself to remember that Leahs boobies did not look as big in real life as they did on big brother. Would suggest breast enlargement if she wishes to uphold image of busty blonde.
• Got extremely leathered and slept at a mates mates house. Went to bed around 6am-ish I am informed having resorted to throwing any alcohol i was given over myself in extreme desperation to stop drinking.
• Woke up at 9.40am (Due to leave to wedding I was no longer allowed to go to at 9.00am) and realised that phone had ran out of battery. Wondered if still was not invited to wedding. Threw self out of bed. Realised was near YMCA in hanley... Rushed home.
• On way home pondered on how much of an idiot had been. Reminded self not to mix alcohol and irrational decisions.
• Turned phone on when home. Had 28 missed calls, 2 nice text messages from betrothed, 12 horrible messages when betrothed realised I was not answering phone.
• Reminded myself that I will never drink again.
• Realised that everyone thought that I had turned my phone off to ignore calls to go to wedding. Knew this was not the case myself so pondered over options.
• Caught a taxi to Anglesey at cost of £110.00...
• Finally arrived at hotel in Anglesey and was greeted with "love taps" from betrothed. Did not amuse this time as was hungover. Blows slightly better as was hit with pillow.
• All in all had a very nice wedding despite hungoveredness... Bride looked beautiful and speeches all very enjoyable. Nice meal too.
• On way home called in at Rhyl. Felt very posh in front of chavvy families until rode on Nessy (ride for 5 year olds..) Lost street cred but held head high.
• Went to betrothed sisters bfs house for meal. Very nice and healthy too.. Made nice difference from take away food!

All in all a very eventful weekend. Wont be doing it again in a hurry anyway!

x

Bush Monkey?!

Its bizarre how when my hair is not short and neat, I let every other part of myself go to the pits. My clothing, my hygiene, my shaving and any plucking or grooming all lose a fighting chance. Im not quite stig of the dump yet but I reckon give it another two weeks and Id be rummaging through bins with the best of em! You can imagine how I felt yesterday when I saw my ex's sister who was looking quite glamerous (bitch) while I on the other hand looked like I had just been rejected from a homeless shelter for been too scruffy! I made very polite chit chat, trying to make up for the lack of my presentation with my hilarious sense of humour and caring personality (This involved me bawling across the road in between cars if her brother had had a lump removed from one of his bollocks... hmmm...Cant think why they never liked me..) Anyway, I thought Id cracked it, I thought that finally she had seen that there is more to a person than the way they look....until 10 minutes later the exs mother who had obviously received a phone call from her daughter telling her that Id taken to crawling the streets preying on defenseless old women, drove past me twice and gave me one of those smug "you look like shit and my son has done better than you" looks! How rude! Reminded me of what they were like though.. Thank Christ for Mr/Mrs/Miss Swanjay... :-)

Oh yeah, Back to me and my hair, Im not walking around like Rapunzel or anything, but my hair is one of those bizarre wonders of the world and instead of growing into silky flowing locks which I can flick about, tends to grow out into something that resembles something between a brillo pad and a bush monkey. I have not had my hair cut for nearly four weeks which is the longest I have waited in the last year. This is mainly due to be been a tight arse and wanting to spend the extra ten pound on sweeties and takeaways! (could just eat an indian...)
Anyway, getting it chopped tomorrow so maybe I will have cleaned, plucked and groomed myself sufficiently for Matt and Dannis wedding on Saturday! Only time will tell..

I was asked to do some overtime for work today and Im not usually one for overtime unless it is of decent enough proportions to make some kind of difference in my wages. Grudgingly, I came in and the day has actually gone quicker than it usually would on a normal late shift as I was helping to despatch an upgrade to our depots for the first few hours of my day. Sad to say but I actually even enjoyed it a little bit! I have found my calling in life.. A picker and a packer! :-)

Im probably worse than most when it comes to moaning about my job. Some days I have days when I am angry at the people that I work with, Some days I get angry at customers and the depots and their lack of common sense and some days, well, I am just angry with myself and my lack of knowledge of all things I.T-ey (technical word, that one!) ... However, there are getting more and more times when I pleasantly surprise myself and lately I am starting to see more and more that the calls that I am struggling with are worthy of been stuck on. I know this because people who I am asking advise from are also unsure of the steps to take. I think its just a case of taking the rough with the smooth and realise that as with any job, it is three steps forward and two back...

Are you able to tell that it is pay day tomorrow?!! Every time I open my payslip in IT, I feel a sense of accomplishment....I set myself to targets, Targets that to some people seemed silly. However, I smashed them and can say that I am proud of myself. So what to do when you have what you want? Make some more targets thats what! But what would be a sensible step forward? When I am a bit more knowledgeable on my companies systems etc, I would quite like to work in IT Operations which would involve overnight working every few weeks but the money would be a 15% rise on what I earn at the moment and there is always a fair bit of overtime going... So yes, thats the next chapter Im aiming for... Tell you something, I could never be accused of having no ambition.. Some would say I am too money minded but I dont slog my guts out for 8 hours a day 5 days a week and 6 hours every 3 saturdays to get paid 600 pound at the end of the month..Believe me when I say I learned the hard way that money makes the world go around.. Call me fickle if you like but thats the way it is for me..

Lessons in this blog? Quite a few...

* Been bald is not necessarily a disadvantage
* Pay day is the best day of every month
* I am still capable of waffling
* My ex's family are even less "over me" than my ex!
* Its never a bad thing to reach to the stars when it comes to ambition.. cos u never know...
* I am fickle...

Adies Most Hated Song..

Someone at work today asked me what kind of music I like and dislike... I like to think I have quite a broad sense of music taste, my favourite of course been anything cheesey! But then I thought, there is one song... One song more than any other song in the whole world that I dislike.. No I hate.. In fact, even thinking of it gives me rage...

*picture this.. or even better, download the song...it will help you visulise it...your in a gay club... the lights dim and then 12 of the queeniest gay queens u have ever seen in your life grab a tambourine each and start performing the most ridicuous jig to the song below* (this includes doing a limp wrist action every time the word camp is mentioned...need I say more?)

AROUND THE OLD CAMP FIRE
Memories and melodies of songs I use to know
Friends of mine that harmonise together
Scally wags and sleeping bags tent flaps all askew
Breathing in the open air together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

The buttercups and daises and little pansies in the grass
Oh those happy times we had to treasure
Little creepy crawly things that got in to the tarts
And fairy cakes we had a tea together
Together together together

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Billy jean and other songs we never could get right
Singing till the fire turned into ashes
Twenty people in a tent oh we had such happy nights
Coco running down our fally assess
Asses asses asses

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

Rising in the morning to the cry of tally ho
Horses hooves and foxhounds keep together
Gentle folk make music with a hunting we will go
I senceulize Panting in the heather
huh huh huh
Heather heather heather heather heather

Come on(x8)

Around the old camp fire
Where the mushrooms use to grow
And mi muscles use to show
Around the old camp fire
Those happy clappy carefree summer days

It is not very often that I am "out-gayed" but I am very proud to say that I have not been in the possession of a tambourine since I was about 8 and that i would sooner have my arm (or bollock!) hairs plucked out one by one than do anything other than tut and switch off for 5 painful minutes when this song is played!!

Go on... download it... you know u want to...it REALLY is that bad... Any gays that read this and have seen the offending tambourinists then please back me up!! :-)

xx

The End Of Big Brother 2006...

Was anyone else as gutted as me when Pete emerged as the winner of Big Brother 2006?? I dont think it was a surprise to anybody but I hope that all of the people that voted for the fool were pleased with themselves when he threw himself around the house and down the stairs then around the stage/chairs/audience etc etc etc... I sat with friends and watched in horror as the nation chose the biggest idiot to win big brother yet. I suppose with his tourrettes he thought that actions would speak louder than words? This can be correct but if your actions are saying "im a prick with no self control" then maybe best to just keep them in check and stick with the "WANKER! *THUMP* Meow! "I thought the nation would have seen him acting like a prat enough on the way in to figure out that he was as much a deserving winner as Anthony wotzizfacethatnooneremembers was last year! Another hyperactive imbecile that loved himself just a little bit more than anyone else did!

Why we couldnt have voted an underdog to win, I dont know! I tried to vote for the ghetto princess.. I call her this because I still cannot spell her name! Achylene?!? She came third and in my opinion was a much more deserving winner although even choosing her was a case of choosing the best of a very... VERY bad bunch...

However much I always moan about these things, I will be sitting there next year with the rest of you, glued to my seat and again, moaning about how shit the series is... roll on BB 2007!!

:-)

xx

A meal out...

I dont tend to have much to say so far this week... Ive just been doing bits and bobs.. Been out for Dannis birthday on Wednesday and that was a good night and then last night I went out for dinner with my mates! Everything Im doing seems to revolve around food at the moment!! I have ten pound to last me 8 days.. I am seeing it as a challenge... A challenge I dont think im going to win but a challenge nonetheless!!

Bev and Jaya came around tonight and for the first time this year, kazduck cooked a proper homemade meal!! It made a lovely change though and I shall look forward to my Christmas dinner...

Just waiting for Richard to come round now.. Havent had a shower for 1.5 days (eww... double ewww considering I went the gym yesterday!!) so I think I better jump in now!! Im not dirty.. honest...Im a gay.. we smell of roses and all things beautiful!!! xxx

Grr... FUCKING GRRR!!!!

Note to self:-

• Do not trust recipe books older than 20 years..
• Remember that if you do take a recipe out of recipe books older than 20 years. that fan ovens now exist and you should adjust time accordingly.....
• Overcooking caramel results in toffee
• You cant whip Single cream for filling a cake
• Baking does not ease stress but sometimes makes you want to chuck the whole contents of fucking kitchen out of window on unsuspecting folk...
• Newsagents are useless for emergency stock!

Im annoyed.. I need to smash something... 5 hours later after I started baking a bit of something to take around Beverleys tonight and I have nothing to show for it.. Nothing!

Not at all happy... Think I need a lie down... the good news? I can now cook shortcake!

Grrrr xx

Finally...

The big lil sister and her betrothed have finally sold the car that they were saving to pay for their wedding and honey moon next year. About time as well after it had been on sale for a month or seven!!! Hopefully we are going to be getting this holiday booked in the next couple of days to Dominican Republic!! I sat beverley down the other day and we played "travel agents" for about 3 hours where we found some very nice hotels.. It made a nice change to playing post office when I was 8 but not quite as exciting as playing with my barbies when I was 3-15..... The holiday will be very expensive compared to what Ive been paying with Richies discounts on the last few but I wont need any spending money for this one as it will be all inclusive which is rather marvellous! :-)

I am having problems with my phone yet again. Its going to have to go back to manufacturers... AGAIN! Not too impressed at the moment! Shitty Nokia N80's!! However, while I was looking through it today, I found a song that got bluetoothed to me by Natt when I went down to visit. Its by Snow Patrol and one of the things that made me see sense when my relationship was going through a bad patch...Read the lyrics below and if you can, get the song.. :-


Snow Patrol- You could be happy

You could be happy and I won’t know
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips ’till it’s madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it’s all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

xx

Bump or Bumpette?

Donna is now at the point in her pregnancy where she is threatening to beat the little bambino up when he or she is born. Sources tell me that the fully formed little fella or fellatte is partial to a bit of a salsa...

The question is... Boy or Girl? Names have been chosen for both.... answers on a post card please!! :-)

Will post soon xx

Long week...

I moan when Im working 2-10pm, I moan when I am working 6-2pm, I moan when Im working 9-5pm... But I have managed to figure out why I moan so much. Its going from one shift to another all of the time. Just as my body clock is clicking into place, it gets ripped off its hinges and shoved on a completely different kind of day. No wonder I get shift allowance.. Well deserved, thats what I say! This may have seemed obvious to everyone else, but the penny has only just dropped with me...

I went out to a local pub with Richard and Fay last night. It was a good night and Fay is looking ever so girly lately... Her hairs all longy and feathery and she is wearing makeup and girly clothes. She looks loads different to the days of "the wedge!" and seems to have lost quite a bit of weight as well. She will be grabbing a man off the shelf in no time! :-)

Im going to visit my nan after work today as she was in hospital a week or so ago. I prefer to see her when it has all quietened down as I dont like making small talk with people I barely see once a year! (relatives, but only by name connection.) For once wish she would give herself a rest but I suppose she is used to looking after people and if thats what is born into you then why take it away...

Im starting to look forward to my holiday in Nice now.. Its not all that far away now and its going to be the last break until my big, little sisters wedding in Dominican republic next June and before then I need to start saving money... I have loads that Ive got to fork out money for which is a little bit annoying but as soon as its all paid off I can start building up some funds! :-)

Post soon x x

Oh and by the way, these outfits are EXACTLY what im going to be wearing for the next wedding I go to! :-)

Some photos from the wedding...

Some random photos... Note to all, the only photo I can actually remember is the one of me in shirt and tie...

Fantabulous wedding...

I didnt expect the wedding of Richards colleague to be much to look forward to... On the contrary, I expected to nodd and smile politely at lots of people that I didnt know, eat dry sausage rolls and sit in a corner for twelve hours clock watching. I was wrong. Oh so very wrong! It was the best planned wedding from start to finish I have ever been. The details, the things u dont even notice unless they are there were planned out perfectly and I think that the bride and groom did themselves proud. Ive even saved my name that they put on the table I was on as it was so handmade and poosh! Rather than the typical buffet of dry sandwiches, they put on sausage and bacon sandwiches.. Real beer food.. Very impressive! I will try and add a couple of photos soon! I dont have to tell anyone that I was absolutely hammered do I? You know that already... Could hardly walk..that was at 7pm...It got worse after that but I cant remember so its fine.. Too much free wine!

Went out with Richards family last night to a pub in Madeley. Mr and Mrs Swain go there every Sunday. It is amusing because they know what Mrs Swain orders week in week out (the fillet steak sandwich.) Very good night had by all as always with the Swains!!

Call me morbid but since yesterday, Ive been convinced that I am going to die. I thought it was just the hangover taking effect but Im feeling similar this morning! Its a bit "final destination-ish" except I am seeing in every single situation that I am put in and seeing the most grotesque ways that I could die in that situation. You would like an example? Of course you would! Driving home from Buxton yesterday, Me and Richard were in his car with the windows wound down. I was convinced that some form of sharp object was gonna fly through the window of the car one side, and fly out the other, somewhere in between slitting mine and Richards throat. Oh yeah, did I mention that if Im dying, hes coming with me.. We can skip over the clouds playing our harps together! (or rod each other up the bum with pokers in hell...Im easy...)

Will post tomorrow xx

My favourite poem...

Who is really inside?


When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a hospital in England, it appeared she had left nothing of value.

The nurse, packing up her possessions, found this poem. The quality so impressed the staff that copies were distributed to all the nurses in the hospital.

This poem then later appeared in the Christmas edition of "Beacon House News," a magazine of the Northern Ireland Mental Health Association. This was the Lady's bequest for posterity.

Crabbit Old Woman

What do you see nurse,
What do you see?
What are you thinking
When you look at me?
A crabbit old woman,
Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit
With far away eyes.

Who dribbles her food
And makes no reply;
When you say in a loud voice,
"I do wish you'd try."
Who seems not to notice
The things that you do,
And forever is losing
A stocking or shoe.
Unresisting or not,
Lets you do as you will;
With bathing or feeding,
The long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking,
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurse,
You're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am,
As I sit here so still,
As I move at your bidding,
As I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten
...With a father and mother,
And brothers and sisters
Who love one another.

A girl of sixteen,
With wings on her feet;
Dreaming that soon,
A lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at twenty
...My heart gives a leap;
Remembering the vows
That I promised to keep.

At twenty-five,
I have young of my own,
Who need me to build
A secure and happy home.

A woman of thirty,
My young now grow fast,
Bound together with ties
That forever should last.

At forty, my young ones
Have grown up and gone;
But my man is beside me
To see I don't mourn.

At fifty, once more .
..Babies play 'round my knees;
Again we know children,
My loved ones and me....

.

Dark days are upon me,
My husband is dead
...I look at the future,
I shudder with dread;
For my young are all rearing,
Young of their own,
And I think of the years
And the love I have known.

I am an old woman now,
Nature is cruel,
‘Tis her jest to make old age
Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles,
Grace and vigor depart,
There now is a stone
Where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass,
A young girl still dwells,
And now and again
My battered heart swells.

I remember the joys,
I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living
Life over again.
I think of the years
...All too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact
That nothing can last.

So open your eyes nurses,
Open and see
...Not a "Crabbit Old Woman,
"Look closer ... see "Me."

~ Phyllis McCormack ~

Weddings, Babies and Houses...

Im not sure why, but since I have been in coupledom, I have been invited to more weddings than I have ever known,. I guess this is because Richard has mainly straight friends, where as most of mine seem to be of the bent variety. And if my friends are not shit stabbers or girls drinking from the furry mug, they are the emotional fuckwits that we have come to know and love in this modern day world. Thinking about it, some are both! Dont get me wrong, I have a few close friends but Im talking in general. Are these people I am meant to have things in common with? I hope not! I like the fact that most of Richards friends are normal. I say most of because I know that Mark Harris slipped through the net and I regard him as a vile prick that smokes too much! Anyway, back to weddings! I think my fave this year will possibly be Richs mate Matt and Danni. Im quite looking forward to that one as we will get to stay over in Anglesey for a night and it will be with quite a few people who I know! :-)

Donna Donut is due to give birth not so long from now.. The last time I saw her she was getting rather big in bumpage. It will be strange seeing Kev, Don and Mini Donut.. It seems like only a few days ago when I was holding My sisters hand as she gave birth to my neice Jaya. I use the term "holding" very loosely.. If I was to say gripping as if my life depended on it you would call me a drama queen. All good memories though.. The screaming, the stiches, the afterbirth...booodiful.. It is worth every second of it though for what you get out of it though as Im sure Beverley and any other mother out there will agree. Jaya is the closest I will ever get to having my own kid and I love her to bits. It is her first birthday on August 30th. Very handy that it comes just after pay day but very selfish of Beverley to conceive on a date where she knew she would be giving birth sometime around her very own birthday (only 2 days later!)

I think as we all get older, whether we are gay or straight, we seem to have things dawn on us. Lately for me it has been that Im never getting married (noone would have me), Im never having kids (Dont think my sea-men would be interested in anchoring at the harbour if you know what I mean?!) and I may never get to own my own house. The house thing is a biggy for me. A mixture of a few shitty decisions made by me when I was 18-19 and naive stupidity of thinking that me and my ex would be together forever got me in a financial ditch. When I say ditch I mean more of a big fat smelly fucking mess. But then again, even if I could get a mortgage, which I probably could if I had the right kind of deposit, what would happen to my mum? She cant afford to get her own place at the moment and what kind of a son would I be to see her struggle?

I sometimes feel like I may have fucked my life up before it ever really began. God only knows what damage I will do when I have a mid life crisis! I shouldnt moan because I have a hell of a lot more than most. Im just always thinking to the future and with my situation, I dont see where that leads except right back to where I am now. It would just be nice to get a chance to dig my heels in again and be given another chance to right my wrongs. After all, I worked my tits off to get the job that I have now and Im proud to have achieved it. Some things are not that easy though are they as they are taken out of our hands?? We only get one chance which is unfortunate. Ill fight until the end though. I always have.. So get your fists up for round two, bitches!

Take care until next post..

If any of you have a PSP or any kind of games console, take a look here for some bargains on selected games! Just do a search as you never know what you will find! Some seem to be stupidly cheap though! I know Richard got Lemmings and Micro Machines V4 for PSP for around 30 pound for both of them incl delivery. A bargain as they retail at around 30 each! Go one step further and join greasypalm beforehand and earn cashback on purchases from a large range of online stores.. just from shopping online occasionally, Ive had two cheques for £25.00 off them so far and I dont even remember to use it half of the time!

I have a counter...

Now I get to see how many people are actually viewing my blog... To the best of my knowledge the counter only views individual IP addresses rather than page visits although there is a seperate place for me to view this info. The only trouble is that using Internet Explorer 6.0, the right hand side of my blog is sinking to the bottom of the screen... Doesnt look too pretty at the moment but Im looking into getting it sorted!

Went to Leicester last weekend and had a nice time.. Went to stratford on the saturday. It is just like going the seaside but with Canals instead of sea! On the Sunday I Finally got my hands on a Sega Mega Drive, which I have been itching to get at for months and months and then as soon as the purchase was made, I totally changed my mind about wanting one! Am good like that arent I!? Popped it on ebay and made a £15.00 profit though so wont moan!

My Apple Mac Scares me.. It is official.. It just sits there looking so pretty and I darent touch it.. Im on my laptop here again.. People keep telling me to sell the Apple Mac but its just so pretty!! As long as it brightens my room, it is staying.. Maybe the most expensive ornament Ive ever bought but... well... Pah!

I am going to a wedding this weekend... Dont know the bride, met the groom once.. Does this give me the go ahead to get absolutely paraletically drunken and disorderly as Ill never meet any of them again anyway?! Bought a new shirt and tie anyway.. the one for the last wedding was a bit much so this time Ive just brought a pink shirt and a multi coloured tie... Why u lookin at me like that?? WHAT?!?!!? ;-)
xx

Oooh...

Back on my laptop...and OK.. so its not just my MAC.. Appears that something is wrong with blogger...got couple more options on ere but still no pretty colours! Oh well... I shall just say what I was going to say anyway now in boring normal writing..tuh..

Going to Leicester next weekend. Jasey is coming to pick me up after I finish work on the Friday night (10pm!) and then we are going to drive back and then do something all day on the Saturday and lunchies on the Sunday.. Its going to be a great weekend!

I noticed yesterday that I am still telling people that I am 21... Its strange because when I was 16 I used to tell people I was 18 and then when I was 18 I used to tell people I was 19 then when I was 19 Id tell people 21 and then when I was 20 I would tell people I was 21.. then when I was 21 it was ok to tell people I was 21...cos your grown up then anyway so its allowed!? And now im 22, Im still 21... I am starting to see how, without even knowing it, your age freezes... Im going to be 21 forever! Me and the rest of you lot!

Im going to go the cinema tomorrow to watch over the fence..or is it over the hedge?! Over somethin anyway! I also want to watch Superman Returns although apparantly there is a scene involving a aeroplane that I could find disturbing..

Going to Nice in France in a couple of months for a week with Richard... He booked it a week or so ago but I keep forgetting.. Apparantly quite a few celebrities go there so I should fit in nicely.

Anyway, I shall write laters when I have my sparkly spangly colours back!
MWAH
x

No Options On My Mac?!

Oooh.. not very happy about this.. I have no option to change the colour of my typing on the MAC,, Just spell check and picture add.. That means I would have to learn all the posh codes to add a bit of sparkle to my posting...

Ill be right back! xx

Gifts Galore..

I sit here on the morn after my birthday, humbled... Not by the way everyone was nice to me on my birthday, not by the way I got some of the loveliest cards Ive ever had....not even by the way I managed to burn two birthday cakes in my microwave that blew up shortly after pulling the second one out... No, its something much deeper and meaningful than that. The reason that I sit here humbled is because I cannot believe how many presents I had! Shallow? Maybe... But Im genuinely in an "Ozzy Osbourne" like state about it all i.e im wondering around, pointing at my presents, mumbling something and walking off, before staggering back and pointing again... So, let me *try* and reiterate back all of the presents that I got.. Now anyone that reads this that bought me more than I have put then I really do apologise.. I have had so much that Im bound to forget something:-

Mum:- Loads of cadburys choc and teddy - very nice card in box!
Dad and Julie:- £50.00 and bottle of the new puff daddy fragrance (very nice too!) Singing card that has become daddies tradition!
Bev, Quin and Jaya:- £30.00, a teddy bear, and some choc!! Nice big card off Beva and also got my first birthday uncle card off Jaya... Awww
Richard (takes deep breath...) :- White Sony PSP, (totally unexpected!) game for PSP, accessory pack for PSP, 2 boxes Lindt choc, 1 box hand made chocs, Ted Baker watch (Gowgeous), DVD, Hugo Boss Aftershave, Monkey Island 1 and 2 for the PC (wanted it for ages!), Teddy (duplicated with Bevs teddy... I have 2 sets of twins!), naked smelly set...and a lovely big posh card with very nice words in it... Also took me for a romantic meal for two at an Indian restaurant in Knutsford. Was really enjoyable!
Jasey:- 2 mugs, several pairs of socks, angel delight, troll keyring, monkey keyring, belt, bath bombs, teddy (I now have twins and he bought me the last one too! They look very cute!) Lots of Bars of choc, DVD.. and 2 very nice cards with lovely words! :-)
Sue and Mike Swain:- Police bracelet (with the poshest wrapping I have ever clapped my eyes on!) and Big fat trifle (You CANT beat Mrs Swains trifles!) Also very classy card...
Emma Swain:- designer corkscrew and glass with little character on it. Very cute card!
Pam:- Loads of sweeties, Lovely T shirt (tho Im afraid I can never wear it even though it fits as it is a size Large... You can imagine my horror if someone was to look at my label!) Only kiddin, its ded nice! Also a Friendship ornament, Me 2 U Birthday cake, Purple Ronnie friendship book. Another singing card! (2 this year!)
Kev And Donna:- Box of Roses and sweeties that my sister tried to run off with! funny birthday card!
Stacey:- Bracelet, necklace and bookmark... And very nice words in ME 2 U card! :-)
Almost forgot but Neil and Matt:- Took me out for a very swanky curry on Monday! Also got me funny card :)

So as you can see, Ive been pretty damn spoilt.. Dont know what Ive done to have such a fantastic spread of people around me but yesterday I was so chuffed and still am today. Everyone did me proud! I now also have a carrier bag full (literally full) of chocolate and sweeties... That should last me about 2 years if Im in a good mood and about 2 hours if Im in a bad mood. :-)

Seriously though, and I dont get sloppy very often.. thanks to every single person that bought me anything or gave me a text or thought yesterday.. I am going to go to Asda straight from work today and purchase a game for my PSP then go Newcastle tomorrow to buy a new top for tomorrow night. Preferable blue so i can wear my blue Ted Baker watch and my Police bracelet and my rope bracelet off Stace and my blue belt and socks off Jasey and...and.... and.... think thats it!!!

Bye for now xxx

"Two and two... Twenty twooooo... "

I appear to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...actually, for how much of a stonker I am in, I may as well have awoken from slumber in a bed made of nails and just realised that I have had an unbridled night of passion with a paraplejic midget called Ron! Not sure whats wrong with me but I have a headache, stomach ache, tooth ache and ache ache! Not a happy chappy! I slept straight through my alarm at which point it is claimed that Richard hugged me and wished me a happy birthday... I did not know this and so when the first thing that he graced my morning with was "could you stop making so much noise please" I had the overwhelming desire to jump on him and rip his face off... quite understandable as Im sure you can see... or is this what it is like to get old and miserable.. but im not old.. which makes me just plain miserable... *WAHHHHH!!!*

I have plans today for my birthday when I finish work but firstly I need to try and get a parcel sorted that has come from Jasey. I need it to be delivered quite early on or Im going to be buggered for the plans I had this afternoon... I have sent an email to everyone and their dog at my local depot asking them to deliver the parcel early... So far no response.. Typical... bastards...

Went to my local all you can eat chinese last night. Was very enjoyable and means that I was able to have a meal out with my dad, Julie and Bev. Tonight, Richard is booking a table at an Indian that he reckons is nice in Knutsford so I am quite looking forward to that. Tomorrow its on to Knutsford again for pizza express. I have totally contradicted all the plans I set in stone yesterday but think this way it works out a lil better. Im a bit worried about my weight as I got on the scales this morning and weighed 11 stone 13. I have still got 3 meals out before Monday so I think Im gonna just have to throw caution to the wind and deal with it all next week...But i know I wont.. and then Ill get fat.. and everyone will point at me and say "there goes fat man adie..whatta joke!" and Richard will say that Im not fat, because thats what boyfriends have to say... He will say Im simply *gulp* "cuddly" *cries* and then ill eat more and more out of comfort and slowly but surely Ill turn into some gigantic beast with hips that dont lie.. (thank you for that song Shakira, but we cant tell a word you say in it... Because, and you know how I dont like being derogatory to female singing artists... but u drove it to me shakky baby.... you sound like a fucking sea lion!! Ow Ow Ow!!) where was I? Ahh yes, so Im feelin a lil porky... And Im not in the best of moods.... So watch out!!!!!

Bought some cakes in for work... I really dont think Ive brought enough in but as long as the people I work directly with get one then I dont mind... that means that I need about 5 cakes! Yayyy!! What is it that when its your birthday, you have to go out spending money buying cakes for people... Is it not meant to be the one day of the year that you get fed grapes and treated like a princess and that people buy you things?! But no, instead, you find yourself staggering around tesco at 10 o clock the night before (cos of course, up until that time u have forgotten all about it!) and spend half an hour choosing cakes for people at work... some of which you may not even like!? Take last year for example.. I spent about 18 pound, purely on cakes... And then you get your arch enemies (cos theres always more than one) sauntering up to your desk and turning their nose up at the selection that you have bought. "You could have brought more banoffee!?" "Sorry i dont DO flapjack.." "Did u not bring any weight watchers ones in?" I mean, the cheek of it all! Here have a cake... and shove it up your fussy arsed ring piece! Oooh, Id hate to be anyone that messes with me this morning!

Going to go and get my head from up my arse... Laters
xxx

The gifts arrive by the truck load...Travelling from countries afar...!

So what if Im been a bit of a drama queen?! Its my birthday (tomorrow) and I'll cry (or die!) if i want to... Oooh, I feel a song coming on.. Better stop now while your all still reading... *watches tumbleweed go by...* Ahhh.. yes, anyway, presents DID arrive by a truck load... or should I say present?? The only thing that I failed to mention was that the other 312 parcels on the trunker were not bound for Adies birthday shrine that he has had built...! But I have one box ere from my mate at ANC Leicester depot! (You see?! Countries afar!!??) I think whatever is inside it is broken though... It wasnt when it got here... ive just shaken it within an inch of its life and now it just seems to make a *clabunkunk* noise when I jiggle it a lil bit more... Yes, you may be right... I should stop it now...

Went to watch Pirates Of The Carribean 2 last night... I surprised myself by managing to sit through the whole thing! I did ask about 247 questions to try and understand what was going on but I dont think that Richard was that bothered...especially as it was a stranger sitting 6 rows in front of me that I was asking... I say stranger but we were firm friends by the end of the night... She gave me a restraining order n everything!! God Im funny! (u dont see it?? read closer.... CLOSER...EVEN CLOSER... *pokes avid reader and fan in the eye!*) Nah, Richard knows that Its the normal ritual when you go to the cinema with me to ask questions on whats going on so I think he has grown accustomed to it now! (altho he may still feel like suffocating me with a pillow at times!)

Think Ive decided on where we are going for dinner tomorrow night and Friday night... It will be a chinese near me tomorrow night which is quite nice (I wont tell you where because I know that there will be fans if I do and I dont want to be signing autographs all night on my birthday!)and then Pizza Express in Knutsford on Friday night... Again a treat to the tastebuds! Have I mentioned I could REALLY do with cutting down on food though?! But am I bothered?! (yes,, I am!!) In other news, Jasey passed his driving test...and as a truly loyal and supportive friend I never doubted him for a moment (AHEM!?) ok, ok, ok.., Ill be the first to admit that when he text me saying it was all over, that I text back telling him it was ok, I was still proud and that we could still meet in birmingham until he takes his driving test again... But I was just demonstrating how good a friend I would have been if he WOULD have failed...I never actually thought he had failed! U see!? Its all in the thinking baby... all in the thinkin... hmmm.. anyway... *shuffles feet...* "oooh a shooting star!! Look!" *runs off*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Proud father of...

A Imac core duo... I know that noone will be all that interested in the specs, so for those bothered, there are some nice shiny pics on the apple website. Buying this machine is much to the horror of everyone at work... For some unknown reason, if your a geek then you are dedicated to the operating system that you support.. And because I support windows and I have gone on to pastures new (OSX Tiger on MAC), I am now all the treacherous bastards under the sun! Seriously, Im gonna be hung and drawn at sunset at this rate by a load of windows XP yielding gurus wearing "I Love Microsoft" T shirts! ...

Got to admit that Im quite loving my little baby (and the Imac) at the moment and I got it for a bargain price of £1129.00 from PC World. Did have to go back as there was no power adapter in the pack but this was no big deal... The offer included a freeview adapter for it (worth £99.99!!) which I have managed to install. (after losing all the bits a few times in the excitement of opening it and it taking me an hour to find again!) and that was a better offer than any other site was offering on the IMAC. Making a purchase from PC world added insult upon serious injury to all of the IT professionals at work (who are hanging the rope as we speak) as I am not supposed to shop with them.. Not sure why... I also bought a Belkin wireless router and am hoping I have more luck with that than I did my other one.. If not, it will be going through the window at some point in the near future!

Went our for a gorgeous indian last night for my birthday with Neil and Matt... Was deffo 10/10!! :-D

xxxx

My Birthday week...

I always find it funny how people go on about their birthdays... The one day on which you are born allows you to do what you want for one whole day.. Or does it?

Im sure Im not alone in trying to milk my birthday for all it is worth. My birth-DAY turns into my birthday week.. and if Im particulary cheeky, my birth-DAY month. I arrange to do everything that I really dont want to do in or around my birthday week and then when it comes to doing the dreaded task, I complain with a bratty "But, its my birthday weeeek and I dont wanna do it!" line. And it works every time.. What gives me or anyone else the right to be such a pain in the bottom around my birthday?? I guess the same right that I have for the other 364 days of the year!

Tomorrow Im due to go and watch pirates of the carribean 2... After trying to sit through the first one and falling asleep both times, Im not holding out much hope that the film is going to amaze and astound me like the critics suggest. I will be happy with just catching up on a few Z's to be honest.. Who knows though... Apparantly Richard tells me that its about pirates... and they are in the Carribean.. Who'd av thought it?... Sometimes I think he underestimates my intelligence. Im not stupid... Its quite obvious what its about just by reading the title... Pirates of the Carribean 2 means there are obviously two pirates in the film! Cant wait for superman returns to come out in the cinema over ere... Is it a bird?! Is it a plane?! Whoah No!!

For anyone wanting to send flowers/chocolates/nail bombs etc etc, my birthday is on Thursday ;-) xx

Xxxxx

MWAH  

Awww... 

Incy had a beer on me.. :) 

When we first arrived.. I was still hungover and in last nights clothes..  

Me and my holiday wife Clare! 

The dreaded pants round ankles night... 

Me Jasey and matt...  

Back to life..

So Im back off holiday.. Again.. Had a really cool holiday.. We all got on well which is what I was expecting and we have plans to do similar next year!

Will enclose a couple of photos but only a few of my favourites!

Some of the highlights were:-

* Me getting paraletically drunken at a magic show (was a free bar!) and heckling the magic show before stumbling out into the street, nearly getting run over a few times, trying to make Jasey order a chicken korma then been shitty with him when he didnt (he a vegetarian) trying to climb through a taxi car window and then getting to the hotel and ripping my jeans off (quite literally.. i killed them...) and running down the hotel corridor with my jeans and pants around my ankles before indulging on my chicken korma with not a stitch on in my bed.
* Day before we coming home, having a big long walk along the beach... Know this was the highlight of Jaseys hol and we just chatted and chatted and chatted Very cool
* Meeting the Mytravel Reps and making a new mate called clare who I have kept in touch with since I have got back
*Jasey and his love of everything Spanish.. Including Spanish chips!
*the near death experience on the plane coming back (we came through a storm in manchester... SOOOoooo nearly died.. it went a *rumble rumble rumble*!!)

Anyway, I shall leave u with photos... :-)

U choose...

I have figured that this shot has the potential to come back and bite me in the ass later in Jayas life. It will be either:-

1.) Used to plaster signposts on her 18th birthay and put in the local paper.

2.) Be used as exhibit A in the first ever "divorce my uncle" trial.

3.) Be taken along as evidence to a counselling session as "first horrific memory"

Its just them cheeks!! She has cheeks that Id kill for... as pillows... Tee hee hee...

MWAH x

Holiday 2- Prepared!

Ok, so maybe Im just a little bit used to been moddy coddled by Richard when it has come to going on holiday the last few times... I was only aware that one had to fill ones case with clothes and beauty products... However , I have been alerted to various necessities to my holiday that I seem to have let "slip" my mind... I mean, what is this "travel insurance" that I am hearing people speak of!? I kinda knew I needed it... I have maybe been asked by Jasey if Id booked it 1010 times, but I just didnt seem to get around to it..(could not be arsed as £10.00 is a severe dent in ones bank balance when balance stands at zero..) However, realising today that I could end up been hit by a car while in Spain (If Matt has anything to do with it) and would possibly have to let my leg dangle on by a thread with no travel insurance, I have conquered all and booked it online (with 0.0005% discount code from bitchette de la bitch) I also booked parking (Again, Bitchette managed to sort this out with 50% discount... well done... employee of the year coming up!) So am quite please that I have finally got the whole sorry scenario out of the way. Now Im just needing some money that is legal tender in Spain.. Many arguments arise as to how I should take this... Travellers cheques? Euros... Pounds?!... Yen!?! After some pondering Ive decided that Im just going to log on to www.postoffice.co.uk and tell them to "Quote me happy!" Not sure if Ill get a response waffling away to my monitor but It seems to work on the adverts! So all that remains is to buy a few toiletries, fill my case, and live through the 2.5 hours on the aeroplane! (could be a tricky one, that!) Im getting quite excited about it now though.. Should be fun! (unless of course we end up in some back street grotty shit hole that has a man named Bub who serves our drinks and cleans the glasses with flem...) *shudders* Sure it will be fine!

Will write soon-ish... :-)
xx

Muscat...

Some more photos from Muscat... Better get these ones added before I start putting ones from Spain on! :-D

Take That concert... Lulu was there too!

Sugar babes, Beverley Knight and Take That all took part in concert in manchester city stadium.. It was an alright day.. Kind of pleasure pain as we had to stand up for around 9 hours and I couldnt feel my feet by the end of the day!

****Another entry!!!****

I was actually surprised to find that people still look on this to see if I have updated. Generally people get peed off after a week or so of no entries... So to all of my fans, I love you all... All 3 of you!!

Ive been feeling ever so funny the last week or so... And we are not talking Muahahah, Rahahahah, or Hehehehe either... Funny as in.. weird, bizarro, not quite here..... nor there nor anywhere...Just weird! Need to get my head from up my arse I think!!

Got the biggest spot ever on the bridge of my nose... Its one of those that REALLY hurts and he soooooo wont squeeze!! Ive named him Scott the spot. I shall let u know how he progresses over the coming days! :-)

I never added even half of the photos from my holiday so I shall try to make that a bit of a priority over the next week or so! xx

Its been a while...

Its been long... Too long... but enough about my widge... So much has happened since I last wrote that I cant even begin to start waffling about it... I have been off work for a while but have been back in a couple of days this week and am feeling better already...What with all the *lovely* customers and the fact that they are *so patient* with me and not in the least bit *demanding*.. Its making life a real breeze *cough cough*!! Im even getting my sense of humour back... You dont believe me? *points and laughs at one legged man trying to pick a penny off the floor..* U see, I rest my case! I go on holiday to Costa Dorada in just over a week (8 weeks) and Im starting to look forward to it now... How posh am I? Right little sun queen! However, sun beds are needed over the next week as I am beginning to look as if Im knocking on heavens door again at the moment! Im also getting a bit porky and couldnt give a monkies...

Jaya is growing up so quick.. She is going through the "My mum is my siamese twin"phase at the moment whereby Bev cannot go for a piss in peace without sitting her on her knee! She also seems to have developed a "I hate my granny" phase too... This is much better than the much dreaded "Uncle Adie is a dirty gay" phase which im expecting of her around the age of 10-15 where by when I drive past and wave she tells her friends she hasnt a clue who the man man in the pink vest top is. Anyway, I think the Granny Grunt Kazduck hate campaign is a little more justified as it may have something to do with gran ma ma trying to inflict some discipline on her and demonstrating to all that will listen what happens if you put her on my sisters knee (giggles)... then take her off again (screams)... and put her on again (quiet)... and take her off again (louder screams)... and on... and on... I dread to think what she was like with her own kids! Its a good job I cant bloody remember!

Anyway, Promise to write again soon and give a more detailed account of my life on a day to day basis.. very posh that!
:D
x

And a few more... :-)